Single life: hardships and delights. Seven myths about single life How to convince yourself to live your life single
Once upon a time in Russian language lessons we had a lot of fun remembering that the words “uzh”, “married”, “unbearable” are written without soft sign. And everyone knew that these were girls who dreamed of princes and dreamed of getting married as quickly as possible. Probably, the weak half of humanity is programmed at the genetic level with the desire to live in a couple, to take care of a husband and children. But some three decades have passed, and the phrase “I can’t bear to get married” began to lose its relevance. So, if earlier a woman had to push her beloved to take decisive action - marriage, today men often receive a refusal when they propose marriage.
Female view: “I want to eat halva, I want gingerbread”
H To be honest, today I completely agree with the heroine of the movie “Girls”. Remember the famous expression of Tosya Kislitsyna: “But I’ll never get married... It’s better for one: I want to eat halva, I want gingerbread”? True, this position appeared to me not at the age of 20, but at the age of Balzac, when fire, water and copper pipes were left behind...
And as a girl, I, like many other young ladies, dreamed of a prince, a handsome wedding dress and about a house that is a full cup. The prince turned out to be a classmate with whom, after the wedding ceremony, she honestly tried to build a cozy nest. However, at the age of 20, youthful maximalism, pride and ambition defeated ardent feelings and romance. And two years later I had to start from scratch, hiding the draft family life into the secluded corners of the subconscious.
My attempt #2 held promise for the future. A child appeared in the family, housing was built, but... It turned out that it is difficult to coexist with other people’s shortcomings and habits. Some of them cause violent indignation or irritation. This usually concerns everyday issues. Even just hammering a nail into a wall took a week - you persuade your husband for six days, then you remind him a day.
For the most part, men believe that their role as head of the family is limited to making money. Everything else is the direct responsibility of the spouse. A woman must cook, wash, clean, go shopping, pay utility bills, raise children and at the same time look good in order to be irresistible and desirable. The breadwinner, after hard work, needs to eat a hearty meal and relax on his favorite sofa. One can agree with this position if the man really remained the only breadwinner in the family, as in ancient times. However, modern representatives of the weaker sex work and earn no less than representatives of the stronger sex. And after a day of work, they start another shift. I remember a joke. It’s easier to be a woman than a man: I came home from work, went to the store, cooked food, washed, cleaned, fed the children, put it to bed and that’s it - free! As they say, there is a grain of humor in every joke.
Today women have become independent spiritually and financially. They learned to “get food”, make important decisions, and take responsibility. Why should they get married? Right! For the sake of procreation. If you understand the nature of the feminine essence, then such an important function as motherhood comes to the fore. Any girl, regardless of her upbringing and hobbies, wants to become a mother on a subconscious level. And since everyone has been told since childhood that children should be desired, born in love, raised by both mom and dad, young ladies want to get married. Of course they want White dress, and a veil, and a birthday cake, and other attributes of a traditional wedding. Much later, having fully tasted family patriarchy, one comes to the realization that being married and being married to a husband are two different things. In the first case, it is just a stamp in the passport, and in the second, it is the maturity and responsibility of a man who has become the head of the family.
But the reality is that young ladies are in no hurry to tie themselves with the knot of Hymen, and later give birth to children out of wedlock. And not because there are no contenders for your hand and heart. It’s just that more and more often men reduce their role in the family only to creating “comfort” in the house: when the husband is reading the newspaper on the sofa, it seems that the apartment is not empty. True, such “comfort” can make a woman very uncomfortable. After all, she has to take care of one more child – her husband.
Therefore, dear men, if you do not change your attitude towards your family and your role in it, you will have to master the intricacies of single life. Of course, it has its small advantages. But there is also a very big disadvantage: according to statistics, single men live 5-10 years less than married men. For all their advantages, bachelors are much worse at managing household than single women. Representatives of the stronger half go out less often and pay less attention to their cultural life. And the most paradoxical thing is that, as studies show, married people are more often satisfied with themselves than single people. In addition, they acclimatize better at work and are more likely to achieve success. So there is no doubt that a wife is very, very useful for a man, at least as an “elixir of longevity.” But how useful is a husband?
Elena PETROVA.
Male perspective: “A bachelor is not the enemy of marriage”
TO Every bachelor regularly hears the question from friends: “Not married?” From my own experience I am convinced that it is mainly asked by those whose family life is not all right. And they ask with a certain envy. Some with more benevolent intonations. Once, a former friend who had successfully married, at a meeting, stated sympathetically and with her characteristic insight: “I haven’t met my ideal...” Indeed, no luck yet. Or maybe vice versa.
There is an opinion that a confirmed bachelor is a complete egoist who abhors responsibility for others. Just give him freedom in all its manifestations. Yes, family people you have to earn money to provide for your family, and only lastly consider your needs. But this does not always happen, there are many negative examples. Can't we call married alcoholics, unfaithful spouses, and domestic tyrants selfish? What values guide them when they drink, cheat, and beat? It is no secret that a sufficient number of marriages are concluded purely out of mercantile interests. Aren't such people selfish? And take social media, dating websites. Thousands of married people have virtual affairs that turn into real ones. Are they not selfish? At least the bachelor isn't fooling anyone. If only a little and not out of malice.
Over the past decades, the development of civilization has been especially active in destroying the existing systems that have existed for many centuries. social connections, which were formed by the rural way of life. It was easier to cultivate the land with a large family, which is why people stuck together. Nowadays, a large part of the world’s population lives in cities, where people are given a wide choice of opportunities for self-realization and improvement of well-being. Belarus has not remained aloof from the global trend. Just 50-60 years ago, families consisting of three generations were common in our villages. Now it’s impossible to find something like this. The city is dividing: children try to leave their parents as soon as possible, relatives rarely meet, and there is no communication with neighbors. People strive for autonomy and individualism. This situation also affects the family, as evidenced by the huge number of divorces.
In the late 1980s, civil marriages became fashionable. At first, society’s attitude towards them was not entirely loyal, but now this form has become quite acceptable for many. Today, so-called guest marriages are coming to the fore. This is when a man and a woman register at the registry office, periodically visit each other, spend leisure time, holidays or vacations together, but do not lead a joint household, which eliminates petty everyday quarrels that have such a strong impact on relationships. According to sociologists, such a “union of egoists” erases the boundaries between married and single life and may soon replace the traditional form family relations. There is also such a thing as a “married bachelor”. My colleague has been communicating with the mother of his children in this way for more than ten years. Pays a kind of alimony, accepts Active participation in raising two sons, takes them to clubs and sections, and comes to visit on weekends. But he continues to live separately with the mother of his children; this form suits both her and him.
Today's bachelor is given the opportunity to choose a relationship that is acceptable to him. The main thing is to decide on the one to whom you want to give part of your freedom.
Single life doesn't have to be a philosophy. It may just be a long period before creating a strong family. One day a smart man said: give me a fishing rod, Fresh air and a wonderful partner, and you can take the fishing rod and the air back. Therefore, a bachelor is not an enemy to marriage.
Alexey Nadezhdin.
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First, it’s worth deciding on the meaning of the word “bachelor.” This is not just a man who is not officially married. This is someone who deliberately refuses serious relationships with women in favor of his needs, and, first of all, freedom and lack of responsibility. There are many myths about how such men live, and among them there are many whose creators were too far from bachelor life.
Bachelors live in untidy apartments and have many everyday problems, their refrigerator is empty, except for a few cans of beer and a moldy piece of sausage. This belief apparently arose after communicating with several male representatives who live alone and allow themselves to fail to observe basic hygiene. In fact, it all depends on the person. Both a bachelor and someone's legal spouse can be both slobs and clean people.
The intimate life of a bachelor is varied and rich. Not always. Yes, theoretically unrelated men can afford to change partners at least every evening, but in reality, bachelors often spend free time alone or in the company of male friends. Do not forget that life forces some to become a bachelor. They are simply afraid of relationships and do not know how to behave with the weaker sex, so about diversity sex life they are only dreaming.
There is always free money in a bachelor's budget. Myth. Yes, men spend money on their families, but bachelors spend no less money on themselves. Constant trips to clubs, restaurants, spending on clothes, etc. - all this takes away your salary and sometimes drives you into debt.
Bachelors reach great career heights. Today, such a statement is completely a myth. Large companies that care about their image simply will not allow a man who is not with the generally accepted worldview to take the leading position, because the reputation of the entire corporation depends on it. Of course, bachelors can afford to stay at work late and not return from business trips for months, but still, the chaos of their personal lives leaves an imprint on their qualities.
A bachelor is an insecure man with a lot of complexes from childhood. This also happens, but there are men who entered bachelor life consciously, understanding what they want, and most importantly, what they don’t want from life.
Bachelors are considered misogynists. Absolutely untrue. Single life is a whole worldview, and not the result of a single case of failure in a relationship. On the contrary, such a person communicates more freely with women, evaluating her not as a possible mother of his children, but as a person.
Any bachelor is an enviable groom and lover. Unfortunately, succumbing to the influence of this myth, women have repeatedly become disillusioned with the male sex. Today, bachelors are wary, but single guys are attractive. In bed, bachelors are not always at their best; it all depends on the reason for his retraining as a man of this type. Perhaps complexes and grievances do not allow him to even build relationships with the opposite sex.
In life unmarried woman Sooner or later, a turning point comes when she realizes that age is inexorably moving forward, and she has neither a family, nor even a loving and close person nearby... But, since all the good, kind and decent men have already been ringed, she has to open the hunt for bachelors, so that they would not be snatched up. But not everything is so simple, bachelors are also different...
Indeed, winning a bachelor is not an easy task, because a bachelor is not just a social status, but also an attitude to life. Plus, this type of man can be classified, which means that bachelors are different, and each type has its own principles and moral principles. Psychologists identify several types of bachelors, and each of them requires its own approach, as well as each of them has its own pitfalls. Let us consider separately the characteristics of each species, as well as the methods of conquering them.
This type of bachelor is the easiest to envelop in your love networks. For this species, you don’t even need to come up with an insidious plan for conquest. But, there is one small but significant problem: such bachelors “you won’t find during the day.” So, green bachelors are guys and men who have never tasted the bitter fruit of family life.
These are responsible male representatives who value and respect the bonds of marriage, and, therefore, they take the choice of a life partner very seriously - which is why they are not yet married. There are no secrets to conquering such men - you just need to surround them with affection, care and love. They must understand that you are the only one who will make him happy and illuminate his life with a bright light. To become the favorite of such a bachelor, you need to carefully study all his habits and hobbies.
He will want to see an extension of himself in his future wife, which means you literally have to finish his sentences and predict all his movements. In fact, having ringed such a man, you will be very happy in your marriage with him, since he believes in pure love and is ready to do everything to make his other half happy.
Divorced bachelor
With this type of bachelor, of course, things are much worse than with the first type. As is already clear from the name, this is a man who was married and has already tasted all the delights and sorrows of family life, but for some reason got divorced. Such a man has already been burned once, and now he will be very careful when choosing a wife. More precisely, such a man is sure that once is enough for him, and he will never agree to such an adventure a second time - it is better to live a calm and measured life as a bachelor. But you have the power to change everything.
So, the hunt for a divorced bachelor must begin from afar. Under no circumstances should you take him rudely, move into his modest bachelor’s shack and start frying cutlets for him. He will simply run away from you because he is not ready for a serious relationship. When setting traps, you must take into account that a few wrong movements and he will run away from you. To prevent this from happening, you must, by hook or by crook, find out from him or his friends what his first wife was like and become her complete opposite.
In this way, you will show your chosen one that women are different, and not just like his wife was. He must feel the difference between the life he had and the life he can get by taking you as his wife.
Confirmed bachelor
The worst and most difficult kind of bachelors. If your chosen one is exactly this type, you will need to try very hard to achieve yours. However, we want to warn you: it is quite possible that your venture will end in failure. The thing is that for such men, “bachelor” is the meaning of life, and not social status.
Consequently, he chose loneliness quite deliberately and consciously. For such a man, the female sex is equated with football, beer and just having a good time. All the evenings that he devotes to girls certainly end in sex. There is only one way to win such a man - to get him emotional: jealousy, hurt pride, anger - anything will work. If you surround him with affection and care, you can say goodbye to your idea, it is doomed to failure.
Try to use such a man: for example, if he invited you to a bar for a drink, agree to a meeting, and call ten minutes before the date and say that you cannot come. Or leave him in a cafe without saying goodbye. Become a mystery to him, but don’t even think about limiting his freedom, he loves her very much and won’t trade it for anyone, not even you. At every opportunity, try to show him that you have your own personal life, that you value freedom and independence just as much as he does. Bottom line, as soon as you can get him to feel strong emotions, you know he's hooked.
Doomed Bachelor
Oh, this type of bachelor is the most problematic. And, if you want to hunt just such a man, you need to think a thousand times whether you really need him, since you can find a better man. So, the doomed bachelor is a man with a whole baggage of complexes, plus there is also his mother, who takes care of and protects her son. Most often, such a man lives with his mother and works in a dead-end job. The secret is simple - he is a bachelor because no woman wants to marry him.
As you can see, each type of bachelor has its own tactics and secrets. The main thing you need to have in order to achieve success is confidence in your abilities, as well as belief in your superiority over other applicants. If, nevertheless, you think that conquering a man is an ignoble occupation that is not worthy of a real woman, be prepared for the fact that more intelligent representatives of the fair sex will snatch up the last bachelors. After all, according to statistics, men globe much less than women. But in any case, do not lose optimism and you will succeed.
For me, the most important thing in life is health, because without it there is no way.
All women so want to stay young and beautiful longer, but time, unfortunately, takes its toll. But don’t despair, you don’t have to be discouraged at all, this will only add wrinkles.
Have you ever met women of Balzac's age who are sincerely offended by the address "woman"? I recently met her, and not for the first time.
And it is quite acceptable after 50 years of age not to immediately run away and register a marriage. But just live together and understand whether grandma should get married?
Every age is fraught with joy, but also sadness that you are starting to grow old. The differences are especially visible at 50 years of age.
At this age, men are usually married, have adult children and even grandchildren.
After this meeting I was left with a bitter aftertaste. Yes, I’m not young anymore, but can I call myself old?
As they say: “gray hair in a beard, a devil in a rib.” And Victor Vasilyevich, unexpectedly for himself, fell desperately in love with the cashier Anna, and the young woman, who was only over twenty years old, reciprocated his feelings. There was something about him that charmed her.
When, after forty-five years, his wife left Sergei Petrovich and filed for divorce, he was not very upset.
Victoria Tokareva and Georgy Danelia hid their relationship, because both were not free. After breaking up, they did not communicate for 20 years, but the writer still talks about the director as the main love of her life.
“There is no need to be afraid of feelings, let everything be so, because heaven does not judge for late love!”
Late love is a wonderful feeling. Not when people try to look young by shaving off their gray hair and wearing youthful clothes
A decrease in testosterone levels in the body makes men give up.
If you are now much younger than 60, then you have every chance to prepare for old age in advance.
A woman in such pairs begins to look older than her age. And the man looks better and younger than his peers.
I don’t know for whom it’s different, but for me my life has become hell over the past 6 years.
Any woman, even in adulthood, can look no worse, and sometimes even better, than a young beauty.
The objects of our research in this article are men who are not ready to take responsibility for a woman and child. Not ready to fulfill their social role in front of society. Finding rational reasons to justify their behavior and their life under the slogan: “I live for myself. I'm fine as it is".
MENTAL DISEASE OF AN ADULT MAN...
...Which he mistakenly calls freedom.
What is hidden behind the external detachment and freedom of modern bachelors who protect their so-called independence from the encroachment of family ties? What does this behavior mean for the health of society and the man himself?
IN modern society, in addition to feminists, homosexuals, greens and other fashionable representatives, such a format of men as convinced bachelors was especially clearly manifested. Of the endless number of rationalizations on the topic of why they are in no hurry to tie the knot, three or four can be singled out.
- If I love milk, then I don’t have to keep a cow in the house. You can just go to the store.
- A woman and a child are additional expenses and problems. “I get 100 rubles, and she gets 100 rubles. While we live separately, there is enough for everyone. How they started living together is not enough.”
- Men are polygamous by nature, which is what we take advantage of. And since there are more women than men, we will not be left without female attention.
And if you look at all this without irony and more deeply, this attitude towards marriage as something difficult and unnecessary has quite understandable roots. If you apply the knowledge of System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan to understand what is happening.
NEITHER YOURSELF OR PEOPLE
The infantile behavior of single men has far-reaching consequences Negative consequences primarily for themselves. Such men are unaware that short-term relationships without obligations are a dubious pleasure. Something happens - another flirtation, several meetings, a pleasant feeling of victory and a notch on the shaft. And this something, when it ends, leaves nothing in the soul or in the memory. Next!
However, in their worldview this is the only possible maximum. And without a profound change in thinking, it will never even occur to such people that a stable couple relationship will bring much greater pleasure. Having lived a single life, a man may never understand what he denied himself.
The refusal to take responsibility for a woman and child lies not only in the personal life of a particular man. Taking into account the statistics, these are no longer just isolated cases, but an undermining of demography as a whole. We are a paired species, and therefore every convinced bachelor, with his hateful freedom, deprives at least one woman of fulfillment in life. And indeed, the number of single men is approximately equal to the number of unmarried women.
There are, however, real heroes among the bachelors. They don't abandon women and children. Carefully protected. They do not even give the woman hope, immediately informing her that they do not promise anything. Such people never reach the registry office. And why are they better than alimony defaulters?
Relationships between people in society begin with paired relationships. And a happy society is built on happy couples.
EVERYTHING IS SIMPLE... BUT NOT VERY SIMPLE
Society strongly condemns the irresponsible behavior of men. A woman in such a society does not feel ready to give birth to children. The problem of abortion stems from this. But the deep reasons for this state of affairs were unknown until now.
Getting together in couples, getting married, raising children is so common for people that there are no questions about how it works. For normal woman It is natural to want to give birth and raise a child, for a normal man to desire a woman, protecting and providing for her and the children. Without these natural desires, humanity would die out.
And yet there are people who are simply incapable of experiencing such desires. Unable to answer for anyone, and most often even for themselves. Why is this happening? Let's try to understand this phenomenon with the help of system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan.
SPECIFIED BUT NOT PROVIDED
A child is born ideal to become a full-fledged member of society. He is already given by nature all the properties that only need to be developed.
Until a certain age, a child survives solely thanks to his parents. This period of life is called development in system-vector psychology. During this period, the most important transformations in the psyche occur, which turn a child into an adult. The ability to take responsibility for one's survival gradually appears and grows.
This is only possible if psychosexual development occurs without delays. Then a moment comes in a person’s life when he begins to feel an inner readiness to provide for his own life. He has a desire to earn his own housing, food and everything necessary for a full social life.
And this is certainly expressed in actions. Such attempts to survive independently begin to occur already during a period of life called puberty.
DEVELOPMENT OF GIRLS AND BOYS
In girls, development into a woman leads to the emergence of an irresistible internal desire to give birth and raise a child with an indispensable internal feeling of the priority of the child’s life over one’s own. This is what is called maternal instinct.
But the birth of a child is just a biological consequence of a man’s sexual desire and sexual behavior women. But with a sense of responsibility it is more difficult - it may not develop. And then we hear on the news that she gave birth and left it on the neighbors’ doorstep, or was abandoned at the maternity hospital, or was thrown away altogether.
However, with the process of developing a woman's sense of responsibility, everything is not as bad as with a man's. A woman always gives birth to her child, and it is the woman who is entrusted by nature with the responsibility of continuing the species. Therefore, the woman's program is more sustainable.
If women lose their maternal instinct, then people will definitely die out. And the goal of the species is to survive at all costs. And nature only counts on women. She will still give birth and make heroic efforts to raise the child. After all, if not her, then who will be for her? This is exactly what we see quite often.
It's different with men. Nature has no special plans for them. Having done the “deed,” a man can disappear from a woman’s life forever. And the reasons may be different - he died in the war as a hero or ran away as a coward. As they say, nature abhors a vacuum.
Why give a huge margin of safety to a man’s psyche when he doesn’t give birth or raise children? He takes an indirect part in the rise of offspring - through his desire for a woman, which drives him to provide for her and the offspring. And in his place another man may well come, who is not a father at all, but only wants a woman - the mother of the children. After all, everyone knows cases when a stepfather takes care of a woman and child better than the absent blood father.
Therefore, raising a boy to be a responsible father-breadwinner and protector is more difficult. And it’s easier to disrupt its development.
CONDITIONS FOR PSYCHIC DEVELOPMENT. NECESSARY AND SUFFICIENT
A child cannot create by himself the necessary conditions to develop your own psyche. This task lies solely with the parents. To the extent that they manage to provide the child with peace of mind and confidence in the future, the conditions for the child’s development are created. In system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan, a child’s feeling of psychological comfort is called a sense of security and safety.
Only if this feeling is present, the child develops well and subsequently lives happy life. And on the contrary, if a child does not feel sufficiently protected and safe, then the development of the psyche is inhibited. And then, having already become an adult, a person experiences difficulties in realizing both social and couple relationships. To the point of being doomed to all life's troubles. And one of them will be a complete inability to fully develop in your personal life.
Male infantilism begins in childhood. And judging by the scale of the consequences, one may get the impression that it is very difficult to raise a normal man from a boy. It's actually easier than it seems.
Parents do not need to make extra efforts at all. It is enough to observe basic “hygiene” of communication with the child, strictly observing several rules. Do not yell at him, do not use any physical punishment, do not swear in front of him. In this case, the child will have the opportunity not to stop in mental development.
This will give him at least some opportunity to take place. Why just a possibility and not a guarantee?
Because there is a hidden connection between the child and the mother. The child feels that the mother feels bad, even if she does not scream. And if she is stressed, then it inevitably slows down in development.
IT'S SIMPLE - THE BOY DIDN'T GROW INTO A MAN
Do not be mistaken about the bachelor lifestyle. This phenomenon is not a tribute to fashion and not a new format of thinking for advanced users of life. This is the same situation when the boy has not grown into a man mentally. And without knowledge of the human psyche we see appearance, the tip of the iceberg. It seems that a physically healthy, adult, fully adapted man simply decides to live for himself.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan puts an end to any debate. No more personal opinions. Life in a couple is the only normal social form of relationship between a man and a woman. The cries of convinced bachelors become a pathetic squeak and remain on the sidelines with the mark NOT-NORM.
It is finally possible to draw a line and separate the norm from a socially unhealthy manifestation. System-vector psychology obviously explains how the process of development of a child’s psyche into an adult occurs.
Just don’t panic and rush to your parents with accusations. They are not to blame for anything. Life is not to blame for anything. Every adult man is fully capable of consciously realizing himself to the fullest. Keyword - consciously.
Do not have illusions - awareness will not fall on your head at one fine moment. And if this happens, then perhaps it is too late to change something. You have a great opportunity now to understand how things work and become an adult. Make decisions in your life not under the influence of subconscious attitudes, but solely by your own choice.
It is enough to allocate a few free nights of your free life and undergo training in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan.
APPEAL NOT ONLY TO SINGLE MEN
Living consciously and understanding what is happening in your life and why is a necessity not only for single men.
If you are a mother of a boy, you will learn how to raise a child happy man. And you will have the opportunity to someday become a caring grandmother for his children.
If you are a girl or a woman, you will be able to identify such a convinced bachelor before he disappears after your message about pregnancy.
If you yourself have already “done a lot”, you will have a chance to live a life for which you will not be ashamed in your old age.
You will learn all the details at the online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. You can sign up for a free online training right now
