He works all the time. What to do if a guy is busy all the time. Succeed in maintaining a relationship with a super busy person

You met a man, you liked him, but for some reason the relationship is not moving forward... Alas, life is not always like this romantic fairy tale. It is possible that your chosen one simply did not like you. How to find out so as not to waste energy on building unpromising relationships? Psychologist Elena Godina advises.

The fact that a man rejects a woman is not always obvious to her, says the specialist. - Especially if she really cares about this man. Any little thing can be taken as a sign of attention. Meanwhile, this is not so... How can you stop deceiving yourself?

If a man is interested, then when they meet, he will certainly ask the lady for her phone number or other coordinates. Didn't ask? This means you are not the heroine of his novel. You don't have to waste any more time.

Sometimes it happens that after one or two dates a man realizes that you are not his option. He loses interest in you and stops contacting you.

Of course, a man’s short “silence” does not indicate anything, says Elena Godina. He may be busy, sick, on a business trip, and so on. But if your boyfriend disappears without warning for a month or two, you should be wary. However, there is nothing to be ashamed of, and you can try to call or write to him yourself, the psychologist advises. Based on the reaction of your chosen one, it will be clear whether he is going to continue the relationship.

If a man does not answer your emails, and you can never reach him on his mobile phone, then most likely he does not want to maintain a relationship with you anymore. We'll have to come to terms with it.

The same thing happens if a man constantly tells you that he is busy. Remember - if a woman is interested in a man, he will always find an opportunity to communicate with her. Therefore, do not create illusions.

Even if you had sex, this is not a reason to think that the man is now yours. This is the mistake of many women. Perhaps the man had sex with you under the influence of momentary desire and now feels awkward when you call him and try to schedule a new meeting. In general, according to the rules of etiquette, after a sexual date, your partner should call himself. If he is silent, it means it was just sex and nothing more.

Unfortunately, men are often themselves to blame for the fact that women misunderstand them, says psychologist Elena Godina. - It happens that a man is simply too well-mannered and is embarrassed to show a woman that he does not have any feelings for her.

He can chat amicably with a woman, show politeness, and she takes this for male interest. Many ladies think that if a man communicates with them, then everything is fine. Meanwhile, this representative of the stronger sex can communicate in this way with absolutely all women.

Some men also flirt with everyone. If any woman takes this for something more serious, they are sincerely surprised, since they are sincerely convinced that they did not give a reason... This often happens, for example, in work groups.

What are the signs of real interest on the part of a man?

He tries to look at you all the time.

He tries to constantly stay in touch. For example, if he cannot call you, he will definitely contact you via the Internet.

He is interested in your affairs.

He is eager to meet you if possible.

When communicating in person, he tends to touch you. Even if he does not directly offer to have sex, his behavior always shows some kind of sexual interest.

If most of these signs are absent, which means this man does not need you.

Of course, you can still try to win his favor, but by force, as they say, you won’t be nice,” states Elena Godina. - It’s better to look for a new chosen one than to cling to someone who is not interested in you. Believe me, sooner or later there will always be someone who needs you.

READ THE MOST INTERESTING in the LOVE section:

No, you are in no hurry to sound the alarm. He's so smart! Hardworking, purposeful, always achieves his goal. But he doesn’t have any time left for you... Let’s figure out whether this is bad, what it means and who is to blame for this?

First, he may actually have too much to do. And these things can be truly important. Yes, and there is all sorts of work, and there are times when you work non-stop for a week straight, don’t eat, don’t drink, and sleep standing up like a horse.

Secondly, after work the time for romantic dates does not always begin - sometimes this happy time period is entirely devoted to watching TV, taking a warm bath and sweet sleep. After all, tomorrow everything will begin in a circle; work and affairs, as you know, tend to never end.

Don’t be surprised if, in response to your timid requests to spend more time with you, your boyfriend tells you that you’ve become completely impudent, they say, he doesn’t see the white light anyway, and all because of work, and not parties in noisy companies. Did it get awkward? Don't rush to apologize.

1. All of us, in such a situation, immediately imagine the worst option - while he doesn’t invite you anywhere or even calls you, he spends it with his mistress.

Unfortunately, ALL men cheat, and if this is true, if your boyfriend cheats on you in your absence, then sooner or later it will become known. Don’t rush to throw him tantrums out of nowhere, everything will become clearer over time.

2. But we will not consider this very “worst option”. Let's not distract the guy from work either. All that remains is to come to terms with his lifestyle and simply make adjustments to your own life.

Before that, answer yourself this question: does he call you at least once a day? Speaks gently and affably, does not cut off the connection in the middle of a conversation? Not trying to end a telephone conversation quickly? If everything is fine, then use the following tips.

Be as busy as he is. If he doesn’t strive to come to you and see you as often as possible (which, by the way, is not typical for a guy in love) - schedule your day minute by minute. If you yourself are busy, you will kill two birds with one stone: you will live longer life to the fullest, and you will completely forget about thoughts like “Where is he?”, “What is he so busy with?”, “Why doesn’t he call?”

Stop calling and texting him. Let him do it first. So, in principle, it will become clear how much this person needs you.

In other words, disappear and don’t remind yourself of yourself. Here the hunting mechanism will work and he will run after you (any guy will start to worry when he realizes that his “prey” is floating away from under his nose. If his initiative in the relationship does not increase, then think carefully whether it makes sense to continue the relationship.

When he finally asks you to meet, come up with a noble, good reason to refuse. No matter how much you want to go on a date, remember that a man should always remain in a little tension - otherwise, why would he conquer an already always available woman?

But whatever the true reasons for his “busyness,” remember that this is a wake-up call. After all, a young man in love will move mountains to see his beloved even for an hour, and excuses like tired/bad mood/getting up early tomorrow always fade into the background in such cases. Most likely, he is not afraid of losing you. Therefore, the main thing you can do in this situation is to start living autonomously from him, get him out of your head and just enjoy your life! And then - time will tell.

"I'm busy all the time". A trap that is used by both girls and boys. There are a lot of variations of this phrase: “Today I can’t, I’m washing my dog... and today I can’t, I’m cutting my cat’s hair... and today too, I’m sending my grandmother to the moon...”, “I don’t know if I can tomorrow, call me and I’ll tell you ... sorry, my hamster got mumps, call me tomorrow, maybe I'll be free...") (these phrases are discussed below).

A very frequent manipulation, which, due to its prevalence, has lost its disguise - one of the main properties of the trap. A clear sign of a lack of interest in a man (I don’t mean selfish interest). It is easily recognized, but fighting it is very difficult, long and grueling. Or better yet, there is no point.

A very convenient excuse for any action. The girl reports that she is unusually busy. She often delays meetings, does not call for a long time (even if she promised) and does not answer calls, demands that dates be short and not end very late.

When a man begins to find out why he once again did not wait for the promised call or date, he receives the eternal excuse as an indignant answer: “I was busy, I didn’t even have time to type an SMS!”

This can go on for a very, very long time. If you call a spade a spade, then this situation is called “I don’t have time for YOU.” Used to cover up parallel (and often more important for her) relationships, due to reluctance to get closer. However, most often this is the behavior of girls who keep a man with them “in case of boredom.” When they get bored, they agree to a date, saying that “I barely found a free minute for your sake.”

However, it is clear to everyone (even those who deny it) that if a person really wants to meet, then he will find time for this anyway, even if his fish got cholera, and the nearest fish cholera specialist lives in Zanzibar. This is an axiom. Therefore, as soon as/if a woman begins to shirk meetings (one, the first time, it can still be attributed to being busy, and not always), then we must immediately tell her that there is no point in listening to her “excuses” and waiting until she can- meet again. Better yet, let her decide what she wants.

It's no secret that there are times when people urgently need to solve some problem, and there is no time left for anything else. However, among us there are not many kings, presidents, ministers and general directors whose entire time (including free time) is scheduled to the minute. Therefore, when a twenty-year-old student or a young teacher declares that “I’m busy all this week, call me next week, maybe there will be less work,” then there is no smell of a normal relationship here.

How to distinguish a normal response from a manipulative one? An answer that reflects the girl’s real employment must contain three components: an explanation, an alternative and respect for the man and his time (that is, reality and certainty). Example: “Sorry, I can’t tomorrow - I need to prepare for the colloquium, let’s do it the day after tomorrow at 18.00 somewhere.” The first element (explanation of the reason for the refusal) is not required, but is desirable as an indicator of the girl’s honesty. The second component (alternative) is the response option of the meeting proposed by the girl. Let me mention that the option should be real - the date is postponed for a day or two. An offer to wait a week should be considered only if the girl is on a business trip in another city. However, don't fall into the "wait a little longer" trap. And the most important thing - perhaps the leitmotif of the entire book - is respect for the partner’s personality and his time. In a civilized society, this is one of the main indicators of a person’s reliability. Of course, postponing a meeting for a long time is a sign of real disrespect for a person and an attempt to put him in a dependent position. But sometimes girls say a completely disgusting phrase: “I can’t do it on Friday and Saturday, call me on Sunday, I’ll tell you if I’ll be free.” Thus, it puts a man in an uncertain position, and in such a limbo he must remain for several days, without even being able to plan things. I'm not even talking about depending on the will of the girl! Meanwhile, the fairer sex is waiting for Sunday in the hope that a more interesting activity will appear than a date with a “burdock” (which she considers a man).

We must remember that any, even the most normal and respectful, but repeated postponement of a meeting indicates disinterest in the person.

This is what one of my friends sent me. Maybe it sounds harsh and in some places exaggerated due to maximalism, but it looks accurate and truthful: " Golden Rule says: “If he wants to meet, he will find the time.” It would be nice if every day, when waking up and going to bed, men repeated this phrase out loud: loudly, clearly, articulately. And perhaps only then will one truth, as simple as a shovel, reach the minds of most men: if a girl is interested in you and in your company, if you mean a little more to her than any other creature on this planet, then she will definitely find time to meet. She will spit on today's episode of the soap opera, will not cook a three-course dinner and will limit herself to chocolate, will tell her friends to go to hell, will forget about today's meeting of the feminist society, will not get two hours of sleep, will come with unpainted nails, will ask the boss for time off and will come on a date directly with work, apologize that in business suit, and not in an evening dress, will come, despite headache, menstruation, colds, blues and autumn depression. She will do everything so that you never think that you have ceased to be important to her even for a moment. Neither snow, nor wind, nor rain, nor her beloved dog, nor mom and dad will stop her. But if the girl refers to the fact that aliens stole the keys to the house, and the neighbor’s turtle ate the last winter boots, you can safely cross this person out of your life. She doesn't care about you. Don't waste your energy and nerves. Have pride and don't impose yourself».

Alexander Biryukov

"Good afternoon! I am 25 years old, I work, play sports, love music, reading and hanging out with friends.

Three weeks ago I met a guy. His name is Alexey. He is 26, he works a lot, and studies part-time at the university. By nature, he is kind, gentle, polite and modest. There was immediate sympathy between us. We spent 3 days together. He constantly complimented me and looked after me. He himself asked me for my phone number. We called each other during the week and wanted to see each other on the weekend.

But then he wrote to me that he had a session and needed to prepare all weekend. I was very upset, but I tried to understand what he really needed to do. I'm sure he doesn't have another girlfriend. And I already know his parents. They treated me well.

Then he wrote to me this week and invited me out of town with his friends. I happily agreed. He held my hand all the time and looked after me in front of his friends. In general, I saw that he was glad that we were spending the day off together. Then we went to see him. And they were together until the next day. And he suggested we see each other the next weekend too. But then he canceled everything again, saying that he urgently needed to help his parents.

During the week he writes to me very rarely, and he calls and doesn’t speak. He doesn't even have time for me! I feel like I don't need him at all. If he doesn’t want to communicate with me, then why doesn’t he tell me?! I feel unnecessary and that he doesn’t like me at all (although all my friends think the opposite). I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me. I understand that he is a busy man. But can he give me at least one day off, since he likes me?! I don’t know how to behave in this situation: maybe ignore him? But I really like him and I want to see him more often.

Please help me figure out: what to do in such a situation and how to behave? How to understand his behavior? I'm very worried and I blame myself. Help.

Thanks in advance".

Olga, St. Petersburg

Psychologist's answer:

Someone else's soul is darkness even for the most familiar people, and even for strangers it is simply an unknown and mysterious world. Since I can only rely on your words, some of my thoughts may be far from the truth. And yet, let's try to figure it out and think about what to do in this situation.

From your letter I understood the following:

1. You like Alexey and would like to continue your relationship with him.
2. Alexey is a busy person, rarely calls/writes and periodically cancels meetings.
3. You know his parents and friends, and his friends, by the way, are sure that Alexey likes you.
4. You doubt his feelings and have many doubts related to his behavior and lack of time.

The fact that 3 weeks after meeting you are already familiar with his parents and friends is encouraging. A man is unlikely to introduce a girl to his friends, much less to his parents, if he does not plan to continue the relationship or he does not like her. Thus, the likelihood of his mutual feelings is quite high.

Besides, Alexey is currently having a session, and perhaps this is not the best best time draw any conclusions, since objectively there is a factor that takes away additional time and effort from him.

I highly recommend not ignoring Alexey. If he is a really busy person, then, first of all, he needs support and understanding from you, and whims and ignorance will not help here. On the contrary, I urge you to be honest. In front of Alexei and herself.

Think about what you would ideally like from this relationship in the near future (for example, 2-3 months). You write that you want to see each other more often, so think about HOW often YOU would like to see each other, and what frequency of meetings is minimally acceptable for you. For example: “I want to spend one weekend together and meet 2 times a week in the evenings; the least I agree to is one full day off in two weeks, but in the week when we don’t spend the day off together, meet on a weekday evening.”

In addition, you write that Alexey does not call or write to you for a week. I assume that this is also an important point for you. Therefore, think about what you would ideally like if the relationship were to continue and what is minimally acceptable.

That is, in essence, with these reflections you determine under what conditions these relationships are possible for you. After these thoughts, you need to show your cards to Alexey. In a suitable atmosphere, when you are together, explain that you really like Alexey, but there are a number of moments when you need to feel happy in a relationship, otherwise why all this? Tell him that you would like to see each other more, that you would like to receive periodic signs of attention from him (calls, SMS). Ask Alexey what he thinks about this? Is it possible to somehow make your wishes come true? If possible, then how exactly? What can you do so that you see each other more often, call each other and write to each other?

You should not sharply put forward your demands: you need your thoughts about ideal and acceptable conditions in order to decide whether you will continue this relationship or not. There are no secrets to getting another person to do what you want. More precisely, there are various methods of manipulation, for example, ignoring in order to attract attention, but open, honest and respectful relationships cannot be built on such methods.

Thus, the best thing you can do is to understand what you want, tell Alexey about it and find out if he is ready to take any steps. It is possible that he is not even aware of your need for such attention.

Don't be afraid to talk about your feelings and fears. The worst thing that can happen is that Alexey will say that he is not ready to devote time to developing a relationship with you. But if you don’t discuss everything, you can suffer for a long time and be interrupted by rare meetings from him, either hoping or worrying that he has “disappeared” again.

I would also like to say this: since you are trying to start a relationship with a busy person, you should learn not to worry about his absence. The fact that he doesn't call you or cancels a meeting will often mean that he's just busy. And it will have nothing to do with you. So the most important question now is: are you satisfied with this state of affairs?

If you have any additional questions or comments, please contact me by email listed on my page on the website (see signature at the end of the answer). If you still want to discuss your feelings and experiences in the form of a conversation, in this case you can organize a face-to-face consultation in Moscow or a Skype consultation at a time convenient for you.

How to leave a man when you have known each other for a long time and have been together, but the relationship has frozen on some incomprehensible note. He appears and disappears, step to the side and he is already with you, everything is fine - he disappears for a long time... The question is very serious and not simple. It’s easier to prevent the development of a relationship with a chosen one who is not yours. Let's get a look…

“What does a rooster think when he runs after a hen? If I don’t catch up, I’ll keep warm.” Rough? Yes. It's a shame? Yes. Does this seem true? Yes. Although, like every truth, there are also two sides: male and female. We will consider " women's truth" Let's look at the reasons to leave a man!

How to distinguish the serious intentions of a man from the intentions of a “rooster” who starts a relationship to fool his head. When and how should you leave a man? At what stage of the relationship?

There are many external signs that reveal the behavior of a “rooster”. They are especially noticeable on first dates. It is very important to pay attention to them before that moment and leave the man before you fall in love, and, therefore, are not blinded by love and have not taken the path of forgiveness or mother's love. Maybe you should stop one day, look around and evaluate your newly begun relationship with a man without emotion?

Before analyzing a man’s behavior towards himself, it would be nice to understand for yourself the attitude of the chosen one towards alcohol and drugs. If a young man does not refuse feasts, skips a glass just like that, for no reason, there is always a battery of beer bottles in his refrigerator, you should think about whether he has a penchant for alcohol. Maybe it’s worth talking to him unobtrusively, suggesting that he take a course of treatment for alcoholism. Or recall the lines from the Holy Scriptures that drinking alcohol means drinking the blood of Jesus Christ. “Whoever eats this bread or drinks this cup of the Lord unworthily will be guilty of the Body and Blood of the Lord. Let man examine himself, and in this way let him eat of this bread and drink of this cup. For whoever eats and drinks unworthily eats and drinks condemnation for himself, without considering the Body of the Lord. That is why many of you are weak and sick, and many are dying” (1 Cor. XI, 27-30). How to leave a man who drinks - I think, quickly and irrevocably. There are no former alcoholics - do you need it?!

Reasons to leave a man

1.First of all, you need to pay attention to the man’s gaze. If, when surrounded by other women, a man does not look at you, his eyes dart from one woman to another and his gaze does not return to you, this is a bad sign. Research shows that a man in love looks twice as much at the object of his love.
Talk to your man, ask him a question that will require a detailed answer. At the same time, look him in the eyes. If he avoids your gaze, turns away, looks through you, he is not yours.
An exception here may be that he is embarrassed by your appearance or your facial expressions openly “distort” him. Therefore, it is very important when preparing for a date to monitor your appearance, facial expressions and behavior. Bright makeup and fiery lips are absolutely out of place. They are good when a woman goes “hunting”. When a man is “caught,” you should not scare him off with bright colors. Makeup should be calm and neat. You can only slightly emphasize the facial features that you find attractive. Facial expressions should not be “clown-like”. There is no need to widen your eyes or widen your mouth. Practice in front of the mirror and find a light, slightly mysterious smile for your face. If the corners of your lips are drooping, “teach” your face to “raise” them. Don't giggle, don't cover your mouth, don't make sudden movements. All this can be achieved at home, in front of the mirror. All this is good, but how to leave a man who falls in love with all these shortcomings of yours?!

2. Observe the man’s behavior when you are standing with him surrounded by other people. If a man stands slightly behind or in front of you, this may be a sign that he is not very sure of his feelings or simply does not take you seriously. The lover should stand nearby, shoulder to shoulder.

3. A man makes fun of you in front of other people or among friends, but then calms you down, saying, don’t be offended, I was joking. It's not funny. Think about whether he is worth your attention. If her lover does the same thing to your friend, don’t laugh, but rather add him to your “black list” of dishonest men.

4. When a man asks a woman to change something about her appearance because he supposedly prefers a particular hair color or a particular bust size, this is a blatant attempt to manipulate you. One of his requests will be followed by others. If you submit, you can consider that you have lost your man. He will never be yours. However, do you need such a dreamer-egoist?

5. If a man brings his friend on a date, he should be forgotten forever. It is unlikely that he is ready for a serious relationship. His friends come first. Such a man is the same “rooster” from the joke.

6. If a man bristles at your innocent question about where he went or what he did during the day, this means that he has something to hide. He is not open with you because he does not consider you a close person and he does not have any serious plans for you.

7. As soon as a man starts talking about money, and even more so, asks to lend him a certain amount, we immediately forget about him. We don't need gigolos. However, you should not believe in any sob stories. He is not alone in this world. He can ask for a loan from others, and certainly not from the woman he is in love with.

8. Your man is rude and impatient with waiters in a restaurant or cafe. This is worth thinking about. It's better to just forget about it. The reasons to leave a man are obvious - greedy and rude, vulgar. If we continue the selection of epithets, we will come across Brutal, and this is already interesting... And besides, he has the figure of an ideal man...

9. If a man is reluctant to talk about himself and his family, about his plans, then this should alert you. However, if at the same time you already feel longing for love, then remember female curiosity. Find out as much as you can about his life for yourself.
10. A man in love will try to spend a lot of time with you. He is ready to go to the ends of the world just to see and talk with you for five minutes. If he is constantly busy, finds various excuses to delay a meeting with you, this should make you think about the seriousness of his feelings, and not look for excuses for him, like, oh, poor thing, how hard he works.

11. If a man speaks only about himself, if the pronoun “I” predominates in his speech, think about whether he is one of the “narcissists”?
12.Men don’t have a very good memory. This is true. But not for lovers. No one is likely to forget your birthday or the date they met. If a man suffers from forgetfulness, he most likely crossed you out of his romantic dreams.
13.You should especially pay attention to a man’s stories about how he spends time without you. If he goes to parties, other companies or travels, pretend that you are interested in listening to this. Being able to listen to a man is a great art and you need to learn it. As they say, the ability to listen should already be in a woman’s gaze. Talk less, nod more. However, at the same time, ask yourself the question: why doesn’t he invite you with him? The answer is obvious.
14.And, of course, pay attention to your attitude towards alcohol. A man will never allow himself to do too much if he is not indifferent to a woman.

The listed 14 signs are considered in relation to the very first contacts with a man. Observe and draw conclusions, is it worth spending time on this man? There are different reasons to leave a man, there are many of them... But only if you analyze your chosen one so carefully, leave him immediately, you don’t love him. Any tray, if it’s your favorite one, is ideal, and you can’t escape it. Otherwise, the question is how to leave a man... But not until he leaves.