Dissatisfaction with life. How to change it. How to get rid of dissatisfaction with life How to get rid of feelings of dissatisfaction
Everyone wants to be happy, but, alas, not everyone knows how. So it turns out that, according to statistics, unhappy people are like fleas on a mongrel. It seems like you are trying to do something, somehow move around, but still you don’t feel satisfaction, because life is more cunning, it not only always takes its toll, but, unfortunately, steals ours. This is a dogma that needs to be accepted, and it’s not what makes you unhappy, it’s completely different things that are to blame.
1. Your mind rules the roost.
Everything you think and imagine is not reality, it is exclusively a product of yours. Simply put, it is reality for yourself, but not for others.
Your thoughts, behavior, and responses are the product of all the information imprinted and programmed into your mind from the moment of conception.
Our brain is inherently an amazing data-collecting and processing machine. Life is a deeply subjective thing, and therefore it seems to some like a hopeless gray hell, and to others it seems like an interesting thing. “On paper” everything may look good, but what good is it if in fact you are a shy, insecure, and intimidated child full of complexes.
Many “programs” by which we live and create our everyday life become unsuitable for normal existence and inevitably become obsolete. And until the mind is taken under control, until it works the way you need, there is no need to talk about any happiness.
Our mind is equipped with a reticular activating system that filters out information that is not supported by our current beliefs, allowing only ossified information that is not always true but consistent with beliefs. A kind of internal censorship, like in a totalitarian state. Down with dissent, only ideas that correspond to the spirit of the regime!
If you consider yourself weak and shy, then your brain will kindly provide you with evidence of your own worthlessness.
There are many ways in which you can monitor and manage our internal system, which will support and not limit us. In fact, the recipe is simple: rabid optimism, irrepressible faith in the good and significant enrichment of one’s knowledge - all this will lead to dramatic changes.
2. You constantly compare yourself to someone else.
Do you constantly compare yourself to others? Are you convinced that you will never become as good as the conventional Erokhin, who has achieved everything, and who is always held up as an example? I wouldn’t want to offend anyone, but just because you’re not a muscular, tanned, six-foot tall alpha male with beautiful nails and a good position in a good office doesn’t mean you can’t be happy.
Competing with the rest of the world is an extremely tedious and pointless task, which only geniuses are capable of. Moreover, it is one of the most destructive things you can think of. You can’t win everyone, and you can’t become more ideal than 7 billion people.
Be grateful to fate and your parents that right now you can find joy in the little things. If it doesn’t work out, then you urgently need to acquire such a wonderful skill. Surround yourself with people who will support you, friends, not competitors, individuals who may be better and more positive than you, but you won’t have to compete with them for your place in the sun.
If the successes of your friends serve as a kind of challenge for you, and you are trying to compete with the planet in everything, then it means that you take yourself too, too seriously. Ask yourself what are you really afraid of losing, why do you need these things that you strive for so much? Can't answer? Are empty excuses popping into your head about how you will become happier and more successful? No, you won't. Even if the next morning you turn into , you will not become happier. You're not as bad as you think. Well, if you don’t believe us, trust the psychologists, they have definitely revealed that people who look like 9 out of 10 on the impeccability scale and dream of achieving the maximum mark, in the pursuit of perfection, stop noticing positive changes and enjoying anything. And even if they achieve it, they feel empty - there is no longer a goal.
3. You're chasing a dream that will only give you short-term satisfaction.
Advertising and modern consumer society persistently tell us that if we get what we want, then we can finally achieve happiness and satisfaction. So, this statement is real nonsense. The feeling of novelty, as well as the feeling of satisfaction, are the most ephemeral in the universe.
Research has shown that major personal events (both positive and negative, such as winning the lottery or a serious injury) create only temporary changes in happiness, and after a short time everything returns to normal. Even when you achieve the girl of your dreams, after a month all the delight is replaced by the despondency of living together.
Therefore, you don’t need to look for happiness in the global, you need to look for happiness in the simple, trivial, in a volume of Blok at hand, and dumplings in a frying pan. Happy people can do more positive things by creating happiness around them.
People living on perfectionistic-consumer autopilot are convinced that if they don't find ideal partner, ideal job, or do not earn the ideal amount of money (about 20 billion), then they will never be able to be happy. At the same time, truly happy people understand that by having an interest in life, maintaining a positive attitude, and getting a thrill from simple little things, they get all the same emotions.
A black woman from Mali is happy about the rain and food, an Albanian immigrant is happy about work, and you start whining because you don’t like your apartment, car, salary and saleswoman in the store.
When you make life a pursuit of satisfaction, you miss out on all the attractions in life - the only things that can bring happiness and joy. This does not mean that you need to renounce your goal, just don’t make this goal the main measure of your mood and satisfaction.
4. You see yourself as a victim of circumstances.
The main distinguishing feature of humans from other creatures is the ability to find someone to blame for their failures. But if you are not afraid and take full account of all the circumstances that have happened to you, then you can see how much will change in life.
In the end, it makes no sense to place the blame on someone else. What are you hoping for? That someone admits his guilt and, in order to justify himself, will do everything so that you forgive him? Of course not, this is simply an excuse for your own helplessness, which is a consequence of your wretchedness, sluggishness and indifference.
The only problem is that it is much easier to live by presenting yourself as a victim of circumstances. The victim is never satisfied because satisfaction is not part of his personality. Complaining, gossiping, blaming others for your shortcomings - this is healthy, as much as you want.
You need to take responsibility for your life, realize that no one can ever influence the state of your affairs until you yourself give the go-ahead.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Life is a journey of ups and downs, trials and uprisings. Some especially happy people I had to take a sip of something that is hard to imagine. But they are okay - they live and enjoy life.
5. You're just a pathetic person.
Let's face it, you're just pathetic. If you constantly complain, are never satisfied with anything, and simultaneously burden others with your whining and complaints, then it is obvious that you are a spineless rag. So shut up and get motivated. Nothing will change until you try to change something.
It is quite easy to explain why this happens to people: numerous traumas, resentments and disappointments, coupled with the brain characteristics described above. There is exactly one recipe for this - all kinds of films and books that change worldviews. The main thing is to admit to yourself your own disgustingness, and start working, engage in discipline and self-development.
6. Happiness is a process, not a goal.
As long as you see happiness as the goal of your life, it will invariably elude you. Happiness is not an end point to be achieved, in fact, happiness is not a “thing” at all. Happiness is a way of being.
This is a way to enjoy every minute, appreciate what you have, and not be jealous. A happy person understands that life is too short not to enjoy every minute of it.
Many people say: “I want to be happy. But I don’t know what it takes.” This is because happiness is a practice.
Balance your mind and body with the help of the image that gives you the highest pleasure, there are no dogmas here, you don’t need to eat right, do exercises and the like, this will only ruin everything. This way you will not be able to know yourself at a deep level, however, do not delve too deeply into the jungle of knowledge, this way you can be touched by your mind and become a famous philosopher.
And if you don’t know what comfortable conditions are for you, what lifestyle suits you, then experiment, shake up your routine. Life is one endless tasting of everything in the world, you need to try everything.
Media influence
How we feel about ourselves depends largely on our environment. And most of all we are influenced by means mass media and the content we consume.
Once we stop thinking that there is something wrong with us, we will begin to notice what is happening around us and understand how advertising works. She bombards us with images of the “ideal” so that we always want to buy more and more.
We are made to think that now we are not good enough, but if we buy this or that product... Only when we buy it, everything repeats itself again. And we try again and again to change ourselves in order to finally correspond to the ideal imposed on us.
Childhood experience
Of course, it's not just the media. We are also influenced by the lessons we learn in . Here's what psychologist Karyl McBride, who specializes in working with children from disadvantaged families, says about this.
Take, for example, families in which one of the parents suffers from alcohol addiction. The child does not understand why the parent sometimes deals with him and sometimes ignores him. In a family where one of the parents suffers from narcissistic personality disorder, the child does not understand that such a parent is not able to show empathy or love. In families with domestic violence, the child does not understand why adults do such terrible things. The child tries to solve the problems of adults in order to achieve his goal main goal- receive love and care. Of course, this happens unconsciously, but this behavior can manifest itself at a very early age.
Caryl McBride
We continue to think this way into adulthood, allowing external factors to influence our thoughts. When we see that things are going wrong, we look for ways to improve the situation.
If someone treats us badly, we immediately assume that there is something wrong with us. We cannot control what people think about us, so we begin to change something in our behavior: the way we dress, talk, laugh. And then we tell ourselves: “Since this person’s opinion has not changed, then the problem is with me.”
We are faced with a problem and instead of understanding its cause and somehow solving the situation, we try to change ourselves. In the end, this behavior only causes harm. Because sooner or later it begins to seem to us that we will never change, we will never become “correct”.
How to deal with it
You need to change your approach. Tell yourself: “I am not inferior to others, I am good enough. I can always develop and become even better.”
Let this attitude towards yourself become your new natural reaction to the world. Of course, to believe this, you will need to take concrete measures. It's not enough to just say you believe it. You need to get this into your head.
1. Think about someone you admire, and then ask yourself what that person would appreciate about you.
This is very . Think about the people you admire and respect, those you would like to emulate, and try to find some traits in yourself that they would admire. You don't need any great achievements to do this. The main thing is to stop considering yourself inferior.
2. Treat yourself no worse than you would treat your employees.
Stop being hard on yourself. If you treated your subordinates in the same way, they would not only quit, but they would also sue you. Much of what we say to ourselves, we would never say to another person. So stop doing that.
Ask yourself: “Would I say this to someone else?” This is a great way to evaluate how you feel about yourself.
3. Don't engage in self-criticism
This is especially important. Even if you do deserve criticism, beating yourself up will only make you angrier at yourself. Admit that you made a mistake. Accept it and move on.
If you believe that you are good enough, then no matter what the media or others tell you, you will put in the effort and be able to achieve your goals. But if you are convinced that you are not up to par with others in some way, then you have given up before you even get down to business.
Dissatisfaction with one’s own life comes not only during a midlife crisis; almost every person feels it from time to time. In most cases, dissatisfaction is the result of complexes, lack of self-esteem, and most importantly, the inability to objectively evaluate own life. How can you get rid of this feeling?
Reasons for dissatisfaction with life:
1. Inability to appreciate what you have and adequately evaluate your achievements.
2. Inability to fixate on the present.
3. Comparing yourself with other people.
4. Wrong goal setting.
5. The desire to meet other people's stereotypes and the expectations of others.
Inability to appreciate what you have and adequately evaluate your achievements.
This problem is directly related to low self-esteem and focusing on negative events and aspects. Most time, a person thinks not about what he already has, but about what he does not yet have, and this is a fundamentally wrong position. The path to getting what you want begins with gratitude for what you have - look at your life and make a list of what is valuable in it - this could be good relationships with loved ones, a loved one nearby, a cozy home, people you help and who love you, health, which gives you the resource for any achievements, etc. Every person has something in their life for which they are grateful. It will be very useful to re-read such a list at moments when you feel dissatisfied with life, and even better, every day, when you wake up (or before going to bed), mentally or out loud say everything for which you are grateful.
Further, if it seems to you that you have not achieved anything in this life, look back 5, 10 years, what were you like then and what did you have? I bet that since then you have come a long way in development, learned a lot and done a lot. Even if you made mistakes, it only made you stronger and gave you new experience. You need to learn to praise yourself for any achievements, no matter how small, and always remember that you are constantly moving forward, even if you don’t realize it. Therefore, it can be useful to look back for a while. Work on your self-esteem, because dissatisfaction with life is very often “whispered” by your complexes and dislike for yourself. Remember that you are unique person, which carries a piece of the divine. You can do anything and always make the right decisions!
Negative thinking is inherent in most people, and it is one of the reasons for dissatisfaction with life. By focusing on what is missing in your life, you devalue what is already in it, and over a long period of time this can lead to the loss of the latter. Discover positive thinking.
Inability to fixate in the present.
The ability to always be present in the present is a rare and very expensive gift that is really only achieved through constant training and awareness. Most people spend 90% of the time, if not more, thinking in the past or in the future. Constantly reliving past events, as well as endlessly thinking about what will happen in the future, gives rise to dissatisfaction with life. If a person occasionally manages to be completely in the present moment, he experiences complete, boundless happiness - so why not experience it all the time? Mindfulness training is not easy, but it is worth the effort.
Start by calibrating your thoughts - as soon as your mind begins to wander towards the past or future, immediately bring it back to the here and now. If you eat, eat, don’t do anything else, think only about food and really taste it. If you watch a movie, immerse yourself in it completely. Include every second of your day in practice, and remember: the past is what has already happened and cannot be changed, the future is what has not yet happened, the only thing that is real is your present.
Every person at least once in his life has asked the question - why does he live? But not all people are able to answer this difficult question. But you need to find the answer. For what?
If a person does not have a purpose for existence, he will lose interest in life. And this often leads to suicide. Existential frustration - how to avoid it, read below.
Definition
Existential frustration is the loss of meaning in life. Most often it occurs in a person who has reached certain heights and does not know where he should move next. Everything is good in life, material wealth is not bad, family is great, but something is missing. It is because of such dissatisfaction that people often get into a loop. Does this seem very stupid? Nothing depresses a person more than monotony. Living in prosperity and peace is boring; a lack of impressions quickly transforms into depression, which prompts a person to commit rash acts.
How people lose the meaning of life
Existential frustration does not immediately overwhelm an individual; it comes gradually. At first everything in life is good, and then, after a month or two, everything becomes unbearably gray. What's going on? Most often, a person achieves his goal and cannot think of what else he might want. People whose life values are formed not under the influence of reflection, but under the influence of advertising, find themselves in such a situation. TV tells a person what he needs to want in order to become happy. And when a person discovers the deception, she no longer believes that true happiness exists somewhere.
It happens differently. If a person cannot come up with a purpose for existence, he can make someone from his environment the purpose of life. For example, it could be a significant other, or a child. But loved ones can leave, and children can grow up. A person who has spent a lot of his time raising a child or surrounding his chosen one with love becomes disappointed in life. In such a situation, it seems that there is simply no way out.
Crises
Existential frustration can overtake a person when his life is in complete confusion. For example, at a time when a person is suffering from serious depression due to the death of a loved one. Life seems gray and loses all its colors. It is difficult to get out of this state on your own. But in our country it is not customary to turn to specialists for help. We have to struggle for a long time with internal complexes that do not allow a person to quickly get back on his feet.
Feelings of inferiority also play an important role. A person who has turned 40 is approaching a midlife crisis. If by this moment a person has not achieved what, in her opinion, every adult and accomplished individual should have, then life may seem aimlessly wasted. The person will no longer take the remaining time into account. After all, he had one chance to realize himself, and he did not take advantage of it.
Reasons for dissatisfaction with life
A person does not always agree to be aware of why he is not satisfied with his own fate. But the reasons for discontent among all individuals on our planet are the same:
- Lack of love. A disliked person may feel inferior. The need for support and understanding is inherent in everyone from childhood. If a person has no one to have a heart-to-heart talk with, her mood will deteriorate and all her guidelines may go astray.
- Phlegm. A person can go with the flow and not think about where it will take him. But when a person washes up on the wrong shore, she will begin to be indignant. But it’s difficult to get there if you don’t know where you’re going.
- Failure to complete a goal. Sometimes a person sets the bar so high that he cannot reach it. Because of this, the person becomes upset and depressed.
Problems according to Frankl
People believe that their problems are unique. But that's not true. Many psychologists have tried to systematize and organize knowledge about the loss of meaning in life. What does existential frustration look like according to Frankl?
- The human spirit is an entity with a need for meaning. If you think a little, it is not difficult to come to the conclusion that the bodily shell does not need to search for the meaning of life. It is needed precisely by the human consciousness, which tirelessly strives for eternal knowledge.
- The meaning of life is objective and given by God. A person does not know exactly why he came into this life, but God knows this in advance. Any person must understand his destiny, which is given from above, in order to be able to fulfill it.
- Man is responsible before God for realizing the meaning of life. People must fulfill their earthly mission and not fail in this field.
- Knowledge is intuitive, and one must be guided in life by conscience. A person should not go into long thoughts about his destiny. He should just live honestly and do what he can do.
Complexes
Dissatisfaction with life occurs due to the fact that some part of a person’s life is incomplete. If a person cannot enjoy all the joys of life, then it is quite logical that depression will overtake him. Complexes contribute to the development of depression. A person who considers himself ugly, fat, stupid or cowardly cannot adequately solve the problem. It’s also not worth engaging in self-deception. But if a person has problems, then he should fight them, and not encourage his complexes with idleness and whining.
Complexes are psychological trauma inflicted on a person. It will be difficult to overcome them on your own, since most people cannot even find their inferiority. The main part of the complexes arises in early childhood. A person lives with a feeling of inferiority and does not change anything in life. Until the age of 30, a person may be quite happy with this position, but then serious problems will begin that should be eliminated with the help of a knowledgeable specialist.
Suicides
Dissatisfaction with life sometimes leads to tragic consequences. Many people do not know how, and do not want to solve their psychological problems. It seems to them that it is much easier to get rid of all their misfortunes by jumping from the roof or drowning in the river. Such a radical approach and the elimination of problems does not bring joy either to the person himself or to those around him. So why then does a person decide to commit suicide?
Existential problems are not easy to deal with. People can spend from six months to several years to find a new meaning in life. Not everyone is ready to waste so much time in pursuit of the illusory success looming ahead. Weak people prefer to say goodbye to life and not solve routine matters that torment them. So if someone you know is on the edge and has lost the meaning of life, help him at least with a frank heart-to-heart conversation.
Nusogenic neuroses
They can cause all sorts of psychological illnesses. But nousogenic neuroses are not a disease, but simply a storehouse of spiritual problems that remain unresolved in the human soul. A person from time to time can open a chest, review his supplies, but not find answers to questions and put problems back into his soul. Personality conflict, loss of interest in life and work - all these are symptoms of neuroses. In adults, treatment can take place both with the help of a specialist and with the help of frank conversation with oneself. A person can figure out what he needs to change in life in order to solve his problems. Why then contact a specialist? It is not always possible to notice the symptoms of neuroses on your own. Treatment in adults can take a decent period of time, about six months.
Finding the meaning of life
Every person must understand why he came into this world. Sometimes it can be difficult to realize the need to find the meaning of life. But it's difficult to go with the flow when you don't have a map. An aimless existence soon becomes boring, and a person does not know how to continue to live. To determine yourself, you need to sit down and write down on a piece of paper all the activities that you are passionate about. Next you need to note all the skills and personality traits. Based on this information, you should think about what profession to choose and what hobby to find. Don't be afraid to change your life at 30 or 40 years old. Be afraid of aimless existence and loss of meaning in life.
