Can a woman be a man's friend? Male friend? Or love on the mountain. Will a man communicate just like that? A man dreams of turning his woman into a Queen, and a woman dreams of a ready-made King
Margarita Tropinina :
The topic of friendship between a man and a woman has interested me for a long time. And I dare say - not just me. This friendship is written about in books, lectures are given and scientific seminars are held. Who doesn’t discuss it, starting with serious psychologists and ending with old women on benches at the entrances...
In my youth, in the ebullience of the interesting, breathtaking new discoveries of life, I, being still completely inexperienced, did not experience even a shadow of doubt that such friendship has always been, is and will be! Alas, over the years my point of view has changed dramatically.
And it all started with a stormy crazy romance. We loved each other madly, we were happy every day, but... one day my beloved introduced me to his friend. “God, how ugly!” - I thought when I saw him for the first time. However, having gotten to know each other better, I very soon was delighted with him and his world of immense love of life, ability to enjoy every little thing, carefreeness and ease of communication. Then followed a banal correspondence in ICQ, which lasted about a year. During this time we never saw each other, although we lived not far from each other. But one day we finally agreed to meet in a cozy cafe. No, not one on one: I invited my friends, he invited his friends. The whole group had a wonderful evening. And so, after that “live” meeting, something seemed to click in me - I wanted to see him more often. As a result, a turning point occurred in my soul, which dramatically changed my attitude towards my boyfriend... In a word, I broke up with him. I parted, loving him and keeping the kindest memories of him. True, I realized all this later...
It’s clear that I didn’t stay alone for a long time - my boyfriend was replaced by this friend. But it’s a strange thing: meeting him, spending quite a lot of time together, it often seemed to me that something wrong was happening in my life. I didn’t understand what exactly, only sometimes noticing that I didn’t recognize myself in some of my actions. The new relationship could not be called a relationship in the literal sense. This is probably why I left him several times, again and again mentally returning to my first and beloved one. On such days, I looked through the photographs of us with him, relived the moments captured in them in my memories and thought with bitterness that this would never happen again...
And yet our strange relationship with our friend was renewed. And when it finally came to sex, I suddenly suddenly realized that I just didn’t want it. I don’t even want to see my friend naked, look at him, admire him in front of moonlight, gently run your hand over his body. However, having overcome my “I don’t want”, I gave in. To say it was sex would be a gross exaggeration. Sex “as friends” turned out to be terrible! In my understanding at that time, a friend is someone to whom you are ready to open your soul, communicate confidentially with him for hours until late at night, without thinking about the fact that you have to get up early for work or school tomorrow. But here everything was different: during sex, I wanted to cover him with my hands, close my eyes tightly and cry. I didn’t feel any sexual attraction to him, but stupidly I considered it my duty not to refuse him, since we were dating. On walks, I was interested in talking to him, joking, fooling around... But as soon as it came to kissing, I wanted to run away, wrap myself in a warm blanket and lie with my legs crossed, thinking about the biggest mistake in my life... One day it became completely unbearable, and we Still, they finally broke up.
Many years have passed, but since then I have not believed in the very possibility of friendship between a man and a woman. If someone thinks differently, that’s their right. However, I stand my ground! Yes, probably, some period of a woman’s acquaintance with a man can be called friendship. But in such relationships, sooner or later, a moment inevitably comes when the mutual sympathy of friends develops into relationships between representatives of the opposite sex with all the ensuing consequences. Moreover, relationships, as a rule, are without love. And then there is no longer any need to talk about friendship - it comes to an end.
However, we were talking about close communication here. If you rarely see each other, things are unlikely to get intimate. Although, who knows? Anything happens in life...
What do you think about this?
If you are interested in the topic, comment. Or at least thank the author - button "This is interesting" under the text. It's nice to have feedback from the group members!
People have been arguing for centuries about whether friendship between a man and a woman is possible. But there is still no single answer. Some claim that this is possible, although unlikely. Others argue that wishful thinking is unacceptable. expresses his opinion on this issue: such friendship is possible, but only under certain conditions that maintain balance.
No matter who we are, we see each other as a potential sex partner. This interferes with “pure” friendship.
Friendship "before love"
This is almost the most common condition. Representatives of different genders, in modern world constantly interacting, cannot do without friendly contacts. They study together, work and relax together. In certain professions, it is not uncommon for women to work in male teams and for men to dilute the female company. Practice shows that if there are common interests and sympathy, staying within the bounds of business relations impossible. But “staying friends” while maintaining the necessary distance is fine.
However, in most cases, such friendship is kept “pure” only at the beginning of acquaintance, later developing into either love or alienation. The duration of this period is influenced by the moral attitudes of the “participants” and whether they have spouses (permanent partners). Distance can also play a role: sometimes online friendships become especially strong and do not provide the opportunity to change status.
According to both men and women, sexual attraction, which arises from such friendship, is in many ways a connecting link. But it is precisely this that becomes fatal, changing the whole picture. When “biochemistry” takes its toll, a completely different story begins...
Common interests and joint creativity bring people together and contribute to the emergence of friendship. Friendship "after love"
For many, a partner’s offer to “stay friends” after life together sounds like a mockery. But there are also “civilized” divorces, when a couple breaks up without going to negative extremes. There can be many reasons for maintaining communication: common children, work, friends. Over time, any wounds heal, and then between former partners Sincere friendship may well take place.
As a rule, in this case, a woman is a friend for a man, both reliable and sensual: she can caress and lend a shoulder. Is it sometimes possible to have “friendly sex” without obligations? Each couple decides this for themselves, depending on the situation and their own moral standards.
A strong friendship can connect a man and a woman who have left the “stage” of sex behind. Friendship "instead of love"
It would seem that nature itself does not provide for the possibility of friendship between a man and a woman. But taboos on sex can be imposed not only by professional status or living conditions. There are other disruptions in our liberated age. Yes, yes, we are now talking about those who are commonly called “sexual minorities.”
After all, when a man is not attracted to ladies as a partner, he can become an excellent “friend.” And a woman who is captivated by passing “skirts” is capable of being, like no one else, “her boyfriend.” And when stereotypes and bias are cast aside, such friendship can be very, very long-lasting, without the likelihood of ever disturbing the “golden” balance.
Friendship that develops into love can become an excellent foundation for a strong family.So, we have come to the conclusion that friendship between a man and a woman is a quite probable and even common occurrence in our lives. Yes, it requires certain conditions and falls apart in their absence. But isn’t this what happens with “classic” friendship? After all, a “black cat,” no matter what it is, can run anywhere. But friendship between representatives of different sexes also has another chance: to develop into a strong, reliable marriage. Then it becomes the foundation of relationships, making the family independent of outbursts of passion and the duration of love. And then - Long live Friendship in unity with Love!
The main reason we still haven't definitively answered this question is that it's a relatively new trend. Most In European human history, men and women lived in homosocial worlds until they married, that is, men only hung out with men, and women only hung out with women. Even after marriage, men and women for the most part continued to live separately social lives- men spent all day with other men hunting in primitive times and at work or in places marked "men only" in more recent times. Women stayed at home and spent time with their friends. Indeed, only in late XIX and the beginning of the 20th century, heterosexual friendships appeared. As more women entered jobs and universities that were previously reserved for men, there was a need to figure out how to relate to each other without romantic or sexual overtones. A hundred years later we are still trying to figure it out.
What the researchers say.
When it comes to this pressing issue, everyone has an opinion or anecdote on the topic. Therefore, let's first find out what conscientious scientists have found out about this.
Social psychologists all over the world have spent a lot of time researching what is called "cross-sex friendships" and have found that men and women cannot be friends because the sexual aspect always gets in the way.
In one study, researchers from the University of Wisconsin invited 88 pairs of opposite-sex friends into the laboratory. Couples had to promise each other that they would refrain from discussing the research after they left the laboratory. They were then separated and asked a series of questions to measure romantic feelings for their opposite-sex friends.
The researchers found that while women generally weren't attracted to their male friends and viewed relationships as strictly platonic, men tended to have romantic feelings for their female friends. Not only were guys more attracted to their female friends, but they also mistakenly believed that the feelings were mutual and were willing to act in response to the mistakenly perceived mutual attraction.
Thus, the researchers concluded that women tend to think that guys and girls can “just be friends,” while men secretly hope that there is a chance that their relationships with their girlfriends can become something more. This study gives us a scientific explanation for the "friend zone." Women and men are often on completely different wavelengths when it comes to their opposite-sex relationships!
This does not mean that platonic male/female friendships are not possible in reality. Sociologists believe that men and women really can be just friends and that there are benefits to opposite-sex friendships—for example, learning from the opposite sex about how best to attract a partner—that you never get from same-sex friendships. However, these same sociologists have concluded that these different-sex friendships tend to be more complex than same-sex friendships and require more communication and transparency.
So can men and women be friends or not?
It seems that the best answer to this question, based on research and real experience, is - it's up to them.
Everyone's situation is completely different, and there are a lot of opinions on this matter (and often hotly contested!). But nevertheless, I will argue that the best way to measure the viability of opposite-sex friendships are two common core principles.
First of all, the possibility of different-sex friendships progressively decreases from high school through college to adulthood. How fewer people think about a serious relationship, the easier and carefree male/female friendship will be. Different-sex friendships in primary school? No problem. IN high school? Usually quite natural and easy. At University? Still pretty easy, although there's more doubt in terms of whether you're really "just friends." Different-sex friendships when you get older and that's it large quantity Are people around you getting married? Then things get much more complicated. And this leads to the second principle: cross-sex friendships become more and more difficult as one or both friends' commitments to their romantic partners increase.
So if you are a young single guy, you can have as many female friends as you want. As mentioned above, being friends with the opposite sex gives you insight into how the female brain works, which can help you date successfully and turn you into a discerning guy.
And, of course, another advantage of opposite-sex friendships is that sometimes they lead to romantic relationships. A large number of strong marriages began with strong friendships. But keep in mind, the research says the odds of an opposite-sex friendship going that way are something like this: It's much more likely that you'll develop romantic feelings for her and she won't reciprocate them. This can lead to you remaining in the outrageous "friend zone". But this won't happen if you manage your expectations and understand that lack of reciprocity is a common thing that has even been demonstrated in the laboratory. Regarding the nuances of when/if you should tell your friend about your feelings to understand if they are mutual? This is a separate topic for a separate conversation.
So, if you are older and/or married/in a serious relationship, treat friendships with the opposite sex with caution. Personally, I believe that once you are in a serious relationship, you should not have a friend of the opposite sex with whom you spend time without your spouse. I understand that many may disagree with me. "I have best friend, who I hang out with all the time. My wife doesn't mind and we know nothing like that will ever happen!" they say. The problem with such a statement is that it is usually made when the marriage is quite "fresh" - your love is so strong that the idea of having romantic feelings dating your friend of the opposite sex seems simply impossible, as does the prospect of adultery. And yet you can never know exactly what will happen in the future. And in marriage, fights happen. And when they do, people often turn to their friends for emotional support If these friends are of the opposite sex, there is a chance that a friendly hug could turn into physical intimacy, even though neither party intended it.Very often, there are ardent supporters of the idea that men and women can be just friends, even when someone then one of them is married... they end up in the bed of their friend of the opposite sex.
This is why I believe in only hanging out with same-sex friends once you find yourself in a serious relationship, or hanging out with opposite-sex friends with your spouse. I certainly don't think that any opposite-sex friendship between a married person will lead to cheating, but I don't think it's wise to take the risk.
So can men and women be friends? They can, but there are many “buts”... And most likely we will discuss this issue for another hundred years!
website
Copyright Muz4in.Net © - This news belongs to Muz4in.Net, and is the intellectual property of the blog, is protected by copyright law and cannot be used anywhere without an active link to the source. Read more -
She is pretty, easily makes new acquaintances, interesting as a person and successful. All the men she meets happily become her friends. But nothing more. Nothing personal, they discuss with her all the vicissitudes of their romances with other women.
There is a lot of talk about whether a man and a woman can be “just friends”. Some argue that such friendship cannot exist at all, because their interests are too different. And others are sure that in such couples at least one of the partners is secretly or openly in love with the other.
The second may react to these claims in different ways. Does he prefer not to notice or does he sincerely not notice? Does she perceive you only as an “intellectual muse” or does she consider it “her boyfriend” to whom you can say anything? And, of course, it is especially difficult to untie this tangle of unspoken expectations if it is the girl who is in love, and the guy diligently maintains only a friendly level of contact.
If you are one of these girls, and this is not the first time you have been in this kind of “friendship trap”, most likely it is because you take a wrong turn at the very beginning of the relationship and do not try to look sexy and feminine. As soon as you met, you wanted to prove to him how good, loyal and trustworthy a companion you can be... And in doing so, you remind him too much of his sister.
Or: you were so desperately happy to meet him that you went too far with signs of attention. This immediately shows him that you want to be with him, regardless of his behavior, and that he doesn't have to do anything special to keep your interest.
Being trapped in a friendship is rarely pleasant. You are stuck hoping that one day things will change. He loves to spend time with you, but for him you are just a friend with whom he can keep secrets, but not a romantic partner. But you know for sure that you would be a wonderful couple for him. And what's worse, it keeps you from dating someone else because you're completely focused on him and don't want to miss your chance. Every time he's single again after another girl, you think it's a great opportunity for him to finally notice you. Do you hope that one day he realizes that you were nearby all this time.
And this is not surprising. Isn’t it true, you can immediately name a dozen Hollywood films with just such an ending? A guy and a girl have been friends for a very long time, but they sleep with someone else. And now, years later, one of them (usually a guy) suddenly comes to his senses and falls in love with this particular girl at some particularly dramatic moment - for example, when she boards a plane to fly away from him forever. And then he realizes that it is with her that he would like to spend the rest of his life.
How to get out of the friendship trap
If you want to free yourself from the friendly arms of the man of your dreams (and fall into his arms in a completely different status), you should not watch Hollywood films. You need to do something completely different. Here are some possible solutions.
Stop being his therapist . Perhaps your friend likes to talk to you about girls and get friendly advice on how to behave around them. And you give him these tips - because such conversations prove how much he values you and how frank he is with you. But this is precisely what prevents him from perceiving you as an object of love. Just tell him that you are tired of such conversations and will not touch this topic anymore.
Don't be afraid to voice your disagreement . When we try to get someone's attention, we want to show how much we have in common. And we prefer to remain silent about our true opinions and tastes if they differ from our partner’s point of view. However, if you always say “yes” to everything, you cease to exist for him as a person. Paradoxically, disagreement can create more attraction and make your connection stronger. But - in moderation, of course... If you suddenly turn from a timid and sweet Snow Maiden into an Amazon on a horse, sweeping away all living things in its path, few people will like it.
Show him that you know how to be sexy . If you casually (in response to his stories about pretty girls) mention your personal life, guess how quickly his imagination will work in this direction. It turns out that someone is also interested in you as a woman - wow!!! Of course, if you just stand in front of a man and tell him you'd like to go to bed with him, after he gets over the shock, he'll likely feel intimidated. But if you say, “Oh, this jacket is so sexy!” or “Your deodorant smells wonderful! No girl could resist him!”, it will be much more elegant. Or if you tell him in confidence about your “buttons” that trigger your erotic fantasies, he will know how to press them. You send him two messages at once: you tell him that he looks very sexy in this new jacket, but you also make it clear that talking about sex is not common between the two of you. What do you think this will lead to?
Keep busy. You don't have to be on alert every time he calls you. As the old song says, “How can I miss you if you’re always there?” Victims of a friend trap are always tempted to drop everything and run to help. 'Cause you're hoping that maybe just this time everything will go differently. But - if you have your own own life, not always associated with him, it raises you in his (and in your own) eyes. Intrigue sparks his curiosity, and filled interesting life makes you less fixated only on this relationship.
Introduce more physical contact into your relationship with him. . Touching a person while walking or talking, holding their hand as a sign of support, or kissing them lightly on the cheek goodbye are all things that make physical contact commonplace. And what awakens your and his sexuality. If you are “tactile” enough with friends and colleagues, then it will be easier to touch the man of your dreams. Remember this awkward moment at the end of the first (second or third) date, when all the words have already been said and you are about to go home. And the girl hesitates in place with the thought: “Well, come on, do it, kiss me!” And the man cannot find a decent excuse to simply come closer to her. Pretend to see the bug on her shoulder? Slip and just fall on her lips? If physical contact becomes natural for you, you won't have to wait too long and he won't have to come up with ridiculous excuses.
But if all this does not help, just leave this idea alone. This is not the man of your dreams. Let him just remain your friend. And you can dream about someone else.
For some reason I categorically disagree with the answer about sex, but I won’t downvote it, because I’m still a brat for many here, and maybe I don’t understand something. =\
From my point of view, very much so. From a certain age, when attractions to the opposite sex begin stronger than to one’s own (well, like the hormones are playing, let’s avoid those unconventional situations now, please), then it is much more pleasant for a person to get to know a person of the other sex in any sense of the word, and therefore to communicate with him, to share impressions, opinions, etc., to exchange something. Actually in my experience friendly relations girl + guy, when both seem to have no open attraction to appearance, but just communication and openness (well, just like brother and sister, only they don’t quarrel and fight =DDDD), then this is a much stronger relationship than any other, if they survived at least some moments and some time. I have N number of friends who are older than me, live in other cities, whom I rarely see, etc., but at the same time we have been able to communicate for more than 7 years. What's the catch? It's just very difficult to destroy such relationships. It seems like one acts as a listener and independent critic, and the other too. It’s a really interesting experience when you can hear justified criticism of some of your actions from a person of the opposite sex and from this try to draw a conclusion for your relationship. Yes, of course there is such a fragment. M+m friendships often deteriorate due to the fact that someone commits terrible acts towards a friend, perhaps without even knowing it. There may also be such a joke on the male side, but on the female side. My friends have never spoiled anything for me, their thoughts are always open to me and you can easily stop them and convince them about something if they are going to do something. This is quite difficult to explain without examples from my personal life, but I don’t want to give them, because there is a lot of personal stuff there, I’m not sure that my friends would react adequately to the fact that I would talk about all this. At the same time, I recently noticed that other people have such not entirely friendly relationships. They're like pick-up artists or something. In short, it’s like practicing how people will behave in relationships, even though they are not in one. They just always go after each other, look after each other, but there’s really nothing between them, it’s just like an exchange of experience, something like that. It seems to me that the most important factor here is communication, not sex. Well, maybe I still don’t understand something in life, but in my opinion, even friendship with the person you love brings a lot of pleasure, unless of course you are in the friend zone, while the object of your love meets with who knows what, this is of course offensive. I guess I didn't have that experience. But if you’re just a closed person who lets you into his world as one of his friends, of whom there are already 2-3 people, then this is quite interesting, the main thing is not to go too far but to go around the goal if you want something more, because that if you lose your friendship you won’t get anything. End
