How the husband was replaced. My husband's last requests for help seem to have been replaced

My husband and I's situation has reached the point of absurdity. At the beginning of the relationship, he was very jealous: he forbade painting nails, going to school without him. short dress, meeting even once every six months with a friend, on the way home from work I had to talk to him on the phone and, most importantly, not be late home, otherwise it was regarded as cheating. After long quarrels and partings, I decided for myself: it is more important for me to be near him. I gave up dresses, painted nails, etc. Moreover, I am 7 years older and I don’t have that much choice compared to him.

Time passed, we got married. A daughter was born, we took out a mortgage on the apartment. And that’s it – the husband was replaced. He works 4 days every 3, at home - computer, TV series, social networks, online games, phone, books... They don’t pay their salaries in full, they are delayed, but they pay for trips to the site for them to shoot at the range. We lived in endless debt.

A daughter born with a diagnosis of hyperactivity woke up every half hour at night. I didn’t get enough sleep at all and was always angry and exhausted. minimal. By the time my husband has played enough shooting games, I’m already angry and exhausted, I put my daughter to bed, and he’s so rested, give him marital debt at 2 am. Yeah, of course.

As a result, I couldn’t stand it and went to work (on night shifts), worked 5 nights in 2, sat on autopilot during the day with my daughter and tried to rest in fits and starts. The financial situation began to improve, so on the weekend, in response to my requests to be quieter and let me sleep, he told me: “I also work, you’ll get by.” My roof was actually moving.

The husband, realizing that he now had money, began to buy toys for himself more and more expensive, which led to the fact that he spent his salary on entertainment and on paying off old debts, and I was all overwhelmed with daytime work around the house and with a one-year-old child, plus night work , the site could not afford to buy a kilogram of apples. He called it lordly manners. And if I bought fruit, he managed to eat it in the evening and in response to my objections he said, buy more tomorrow, and if there’s no money, then there’s no need to buy it today.

It all ended with me dividing the budget: I fully support myself and my daughter, we buy ourselves clothes and snacks. The husband realized that he couldn’t live with his salary, so after a month he found another job. It just doesn't get any easier. He completely abstracted himself from everyday life: you need it - you do it, you can’t even ask for money for general needs (powder, paste, detergents): you divided the budget, as he said, then he doesn’t owe me anything now, because I “gave up him" when he was without money. That's how he presents it. But marital duty is demanding and constantly depresses and irritates me.

I believe that it was my husband who abandoned me to the mercy of fate with a small child, leaving me without help around the house and financially, and I had no other way to make the site work properly. He spends all his time playing games, eating with toys, buried in his phone, even in the toilet with toys, and he remembers the fact that he has a wife to take care of at night, when he has had enough of playing and wants sex.

How to get out of this impasse? Tell? He is all offended by my division of the shelves in the refrigerator, and I am tired and offended by his inaction around the house, with the child, in bed (I have to do everything there). I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to do everything myself, I’m raising a child myself and also serving him to the detriment of my rest and healthy sleep. Help, how to reach him? Naturally, I won’t get a divorce.

And I read this question on the forum:

it came... no strength... our second child was born. And how the husband was replaced. All his worst traits came out right now. He takes advantage of the fact that I am not working now and will not be able to go to work yet. I don't have the support of my family. They were against the second... I have nowhere to go. I feel like my eyes have been opened.. He doesn’t keep a single word.. I feel disgusted with him.. It’s like he’s crushing me.. They started talking very seriously about divorce. He stole all the money that I had on maternity leave.. I understand that I don’t hate him.. But what should I do? The child was recently born.. No money. My relatives and friends don’t communicate with me. I feel bad

I want to say right away that I had something very similar in my family. It also seemed to me that my husband had been replaced, that he didn’t want to help me at all, and so on. Those. I completely understand moms who find themselves in this situation. At times I was in despair and didn’t know what to do next. But fortunately, the answer came, and I was able to get out of this difficult circle and now my husband and I have a wonderful relationship.

And how the husband was replaced

Why is this happening? The answer is very simple and at the same time difficult to implement.

First, you need to remember the change hormonal levels in a woman during pregnancy and after childbirth. It will most likely pass more than a year, before yours is restored. And while it is changed, you may not always adequately perceive what happened.

Besides, I'm sure you know that men need attention, and when a baby is born, the man lacks attention.

A little personal history:

I have always understood the importance of paying attention to my husband. I was aware of this both before and after the birth of the child. Already 3 weeks after giving birth (difficult childbirth), we resumed sex life. I always tried to be alone with my husband, to talk, and to pay attention to him.

But already 4 months after the birth of my first child, I felt that my relationship with my husband was deteriorating. Then I thought that my husband didn’t value me, didn’t appreciate my work, and perhaps didn’t love me as much as before. Moreover, it seemed to me that he practically did not help me.

My husband, in turn, complained all the time that I didn’t love him anymore. These words offended me terribly. I do so many things, isn’t this a manifestation of love?

Does this sound like your situation? I'm sure it's close. Since almost all couples go through this. I read many comments from women about how their husband doesn’t help at all, comes home late, hangs out with friends (watches TV, plays on the computer) instead of helping his wife or playing with the child.

Know that you are not alone in your problem. Almost all women in the world understand you. But we need to find a way out of this maze of problems. And I will help you with this.

Why was the husband replaced?

In fact, your eyes were not opened and no one replaced your husband. The whole point is that your husband simply lacks your attention!

Where can I get it, I have it Small child, cooking, cleaning is also entirely on me?

If you have such a thought (and it occurs in 80% of women), then you live according to the formula:

Child - Home - Husband - Me (To Myself) . Most women live by this formula. While conducting consultations, I was convinced of this; those of my clients to whom I asked this question all unanimously answered that the child comes first.

How else? The child is small and defenseless, he always needs his mother!! I always thought so until I got it chronic fatigue, because of which I fell asleep while walking. I slept about 20 hours a day. And I could no longer pay attention to my husband, or cook and clean, I couldn’t even look after the child. not to mention the child's development. At that moment I realized that something needed to change.

Self-care

This may sound selfish to you. At least that's what it sounded like to me. But I had no choice, I needed something in my life. And I decided to try. I started learning to take care of myself. When a mother takes care of herself, she will have more strength and will be able to take care of the child and her husband and the house, etc.

In my case, after giving birth I had the strength to do everything and everything was fine. But over time, the strength ran out and the house began to suffer (order and cooking), then there was not enough strength for the husband, and in the end there was no strength for the child either. When I started taking care of myself, I had more strength and was able to perform my responsibilities better.

And at that moment my husband suggested an excellent formula to me that always works!

My husband works in shifts: a month at work, a month at home. Previously, when he came home from work, he was always cheerful and missed us, but for the last month he came and didn’t even look at me, he walked around thoughtfully all month. There is enough money, there is a job, there is prosperity in the house. He was going to go to another city to visit his parents, they live 450 km away, I asked him to take me with him, to which he replied that his parents did not love me and did not want to see me. A scandal broke out between us, he called me a “smelly creature,” he even wanted to spit in my face, he accused me of getting into his head and not letting him breathe. Tell me what should I do?

Anna, Orenburg, 39 years old / 09/07/15

Our experts' opinions

• Alyona

  Anya, most likely you are facing a divorce. My husband has someone. Moreover, everything is serious there, and he is no longer interested in at least maintaining a normal relationship with you. The fact that he didn’t even look in your direction when he arrived suggests that he is at the peak of the relationship “over there” and your very presence annoys him. Typical behavior of a man who had a good time with his mistress, and then some annoying and unnecessary wife interferes with her tenderness and questions. And the man wants to get back as quickly as possible. Why he can’t tell you directly that he has someone else is a difficult question. For some reason, it is somehow easier for many husbands to simply ruin their relationship with their wife, make her feel guilty for this and proudly retire - supposedly “to live alone.” For some reason, such men are not able to simply admit “I met someone else, I cheated on you with her and decided that I was better off with her.” No, the situation must be brought to the point of absurdity so that the wife looks guilty. Maybe the whole point is that betrayal and cowardice always go together? So, if I were you, I wouldn’t wait for a repeat after the “smelly creature” and would ask your husband not to fool you and tell you directly what her name is and why doesn’t he just ask you for a divorce.

• Sergey

  Anya, in my opinion, you should start preparing for a divorce. Alas, but, apparently, the romance of your relationship is over and your husband is tired of you. In addition, it is quite possible that the uncle has another woman, and he began to look for reasons to break up with you. And he could gather with his relatives to prepare them for the change of his partner. So I guess yours family life the end has come and you should start thinking about how to live on. Alas, this happens. It’s not easy to live nearby at all, and if you also have to constantly be apart for a long time, it’s almost impossible. So in your case, the shift method led to a change in the “basic settings”. Is it possible to somehow return everything? I doubt. Your husband began to insult and humiliate you. This means that there are no feelings left at all. Continuing to live nearby in such conditions is a complete waste of time and nerves. Therefore, if you haven’t worked before, then urgently start looking for a place to earn at least something, and look for housing if you previously lived in your spouse’s area. Then talk to your husband seriously, like an adult, to decide on further actions. The main thing is to do this calmly, without hysterics and swearing. Well, then apply and don’t waste time.

Good day to all concerned. Please help!
I'll start from the very beginning, if you will.
I was raised in a single-parent family. My father left my mother and me for another woman when I was about two years old. I was raised by my mother and grandmother. My grandfather passed away when I was six years old. There were three of us living together, doing everything together, keeping a dacha, there wasn’t always enough money, I started helping my parents earn money through hard work from the age of 9. We washed floors in institutions, went to agricultural work, and did a lot of other things. They survived, they taught me. I'm still with early childhood I promised myself that my children would live in a complete family, that they would definitely have a loving father.
Friends introduced me to my future husband. We dated for 2.5 years, then got married. At first they lived with their parents-in-law, and a year later their son was born. We lived with my husband’s parents for 7 years, everything happened... I constantly had to prove to my mother-in-law that I was worthy of my husband, although I was very decent, honest, and hardworking. It was so hard. Then my mother bought us land and we started building our own house. When my husband and I did it on our own, when friends helped, my mother helped a lot with money, and my father-in-law with labor. We built a house, moved, everything was fine, a daughter was born. We lived, rejoiced, everyone was jealous that everything was wonderful with us. My husband and I understood each other from half a word and half a glance. I got the second one higher education, began to earn very well, decorated the house, bought good furniture. My husband also made good money, we bought a car, at first it was cheaper, then my mother helped, and we bought a good jeep. Money appeared. Not life, but a dream...
At this point we had lived together for 11 years. And so it began...
SMS messages, things to do on weekends, constant drinking, scandals with throwing things, insults. All attempts to find out anything ended in hysterics and slamming doors.
How the husband was replaced. He lied, insulted, drank, constantly left, came back drunk. My son once saw my husband with madam and told me. It turned out that for quite some time he had been dating a girl 8 years younger than us (we are the same age, now we are 40 years old). Upon closer examination, it turned out: a barmaid in a cafe on the market, a public-spirited girl, impudent. She started calling me and writing nasty text messages. At that moment, I realized that my husband had brought the nasty STD into the house. She demanded an explanation, denied everything, made me look like a fool and hysterical: “I made it all up, it’s all a lie.”
They took tests... Shock... They were treated for a long time... There was incredible pain in my soul...
She stepped over herself, didn’t kick her out, let everything go for the sake of the children... I thought she would come to her senses.... no... Everything continued...
This girl pestered me, called the children on their phones at night, stole his house keys, came to our house, stole my underwear and sent it to me with nasty notes... He wanted to break up with her. My daughter and I ended up in the hospital; we had to have emergency surgery. She brought all his gifts (stuffed toys) to the hospital and thrust them into her daughter’s (she was 6 years old) hands when we were walking in the hospital town. Then she went to our house, beat my husband in front of my son and tore his things. My husband just stood there and couldn’t do anything, he’s a decent guy and doesn’t hit women. Hell continued... He rushed here and there, did not leave the house, just with her all the time, and went home to spend the night. “This is my home and my children, and I’m not leaving here.” All these events exhausted both me and the children... A month ago, his madam came home to tell me what an unearthly love they had, she tried to beat me. But I didn’t allow it, I even ruffled her hair a little.
The next morning I felt very bad, my mother arrived and took me and my daughter to her place, my son was at school. Then she went to him and explained that I felt bad, there was an ambulance, they could barely pump me out, will you come to me or go home to your father. He chose his father, went home... The worst thing is that my son saw all the scandals, he saw this drunken madam, me with broken bloody legs and arms, when my husband crippled me, he saw how my husband threw knives at me in a fit of rage. And still stayed with him.
My heart is breaking into small pieces... I filed for divorce, I have no more strength. I am tormented by a huge feeling of guilt... I destroyed the family, deprived the children of their father... I am very worried about my son, yesterday he was admitted to the hospital, to neurology. He has VSD and an exacerbation has begun. He says mom, I am stressed. And so I think, maybe I shouldn’t have started all this with a divorce?
But I’ve been living in this hell for 3 years now, I can’t get off antidepressants... Now my son is 15 years old, my daughter is 7 years old. I'm very worried about them... They need a family. Their father loves them, they love him...
I'm confused... My brain refuses to accept all this...
Help!!! I ask God to help me survive all this, to manage it for the common good, I go to church. But there I cry all the time, I talked with the rector, he supported me, advised me to confess and take communion. I am preparing for the sacraments, trying to cleanse my soul of despondency and sadness. Only the pain in my soul does not allow me to gather my strength, I work on automatic, I live on automatic...
We really need support from people who have experienced this. Thanks in advance to everyone who responds.

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Alena, age: 40 / 05/28/2014

Responses:

Alena, good afternoon.

Your situation is just terrible. You didn’t destroy your family, your family was destroyed by your husband when he started dating another woman. Your feeling of guilt comes from your childhood, that you grew up without a father, but if this happened, don’t die, don’t make your children feel bad, so that they end up in a hospital in neurology. Definitely get a divorce. If your husband wants to be with you, he will be after the divorce, that’s for sure. Continuing to live in such a situation means subscribing to new products, then believe me, it’s unlikely that anyone will need you at all. Time will pass, everything will grind and pass. Now we need to be patient and go to the end, everything will be fine, believe me, it cannot be otherwise. Good luck and all the best to you.

Tatyana, age: 30 / 05/28/2014

Hello Alena!!! It’s very difficult for you now, that’s understandable. But when I read it, it was just some kind of horror.... Well, do you really want to continue living in such a nightmare. Of course, it is clear that children need a father, but imagine that the children will constantly watch how, firstly, this MADAM will constantly drag herself to you, and also how your husband, THEIR FATHER, will beat you. After all, if he loved you and he wouldn’t allow this to happen to any children. Time will pass and you will calm down, but for now, don’t ask yourself any questions why or how this could happen. God bless you Alena!!! Everything will be fine.

Alla, age: 30 / 05/28/2014

Alena, you did everything right. They couldn’t tolerate this, so they didn’t have to tolerate it anymore. Don't blame yourself. Even the priest told you about this. As soon as there is betrayal in the family and such hassle, then this is a reason for separation. In the end, your daughter still needs you, she needs to be raised on her feet. You don't want to turn into a neurasthenic?
As for the children, they will still love their father. And don't be mad at them for it. In spite of everything, he is a dear folder for them. And forbid yourself to even think that you deprived them of their father. This is wrong. They want to see each other, let them see each other, communicate, etc. Does divorce of spouses deprive the opportunity of love, friendship and communication with children? No!
As for your feelings about your husband being replaced, please read other people's stories and see that everything is very similar for everyone. Of course, it was as if he had been replaced. And mine, too, seemed to have been replaced at one time, and Masha’s and Klava’s husbands, etc. Because all our husbands turned out to be obsessed with the passion of fornication. This is the same passion as alcoholism, gambling, and drug addiction. A person can only recover from it himself if he wants and with the help of God. Look, there is no common sense at all in the fact that he chose this woman! This means there is nothing to look for common sense in his actions.
The Lord allowed such a difficult test in your life because your family lived without God. It was in this trouble of yours that you finally ran to the Lord. Over time, you will understand that earthly happiness in our universal understanding is nothing compared to life with the Lord. So get ready for confession, Communion. And it will gradually become easier for you.
Read the materials on this site, there is a lot useful information, read other women's stories and responses to them. In this you will also find a lot of useful things for yourself, because everything is very similar for everyone.

Ekaterina, age: 38 / 05/28/2014

Dear Alena! I don’t understand at all HOW you allowed this lady to come to your house? I had to call the police and say that a thief had broken into the house. This is exactly what should have been done. This is an absolutely normal act of a sane person. Considering what you describe what your husband allowed himself to do, you had to stop beating and go to the police and get a divorce right there. It’s no longer about you and your husband—after something like this you can’t build any happiness—but about your children. About your son in particular. Children should not see this under any circumstances, and you should not allow such things to happen. If you don't love yourself that much, think about them. You also blame yourself, how did your logic allow you to draw such a conclusion? you write, “My husband just stood there and couldn’t do anything, he’s decent here, he doesn’t hit women.” - and you, it turns out, are not a woman - if right after a couple of sentences you write about “I saw this madam drunk, me with broken bloody legs and arms, when my husband crippled me, I saw my husband throwing knives at me”?!?! ?! You don’t want your son to throw knives at his wife when he has a family, do you? You don’t want your daughter to repeat your role as a victim? The house is YOURS and YOUR children’s to a much greater extent, understand this! Apply for division of property, and urgently, now concentrate on the children, on protecting their psyche, their interests. Children don’t need THAT kind of father; when they grow up, they will thank you that they got divorced and stopped tormenting them with such scandals. And madam is probably very seduced by the prospect that you, as a victim, will crawl away to live with your parents, and she will live wonderfully in YOUR house. your husband owns a quarter, the rest is yours and your children! So take your parents, let them live with you and your children in YOUR house for now, tell your husband that if you break into this woman’s house, you call the police, and CALL IT, without hesitation. Good luck, patience and a lot of strength to overcome yourself, survive the divorce and move on happily. You have children, a good job, your parents are alive, you are by no means alone. And I'm almost sure that time will pass and you will be very happy. It's true. Don't lose yourself.

Anna, age: 32 / 05/28/2014

Babonki! I read your stories and start grinding my teeth!
How much trouble do you need to bring to your family, endure tons of pain, physical and moral trauma, in order to make you angry and disgusted with your men?! What kind of torture do you endure, do your children endure... and all for what? For the sake of maintaining the screen of a family? For the sake of the children's "happiness"? So that others “don’t think anything bad”? Is there a limit to women's patience? Or do our women stretch it to infinity? I’m not even talking about the elementary pride of a woman, a mother!
Wake up!
Are you happy - WITH HIM AND NOW?! ARE YOUR CHILDREN HAPPY WITH HIM AND NOW? You need to decide to CUT it and survive! To save own life and the life and health of your children!
As it was, it will never be! It is clear that the brain refuses to understand this. But you can live in the crater of a volcano - only for a short time. You are dragging your children into the abyss with you! Take the plunge! GET OVER, and return to a QUALITY life. And what you are experiencing now is a suicide extended over time. Use common sense. analyze your current life. Look at it from the outside. Have pity on the children. Everything can be fixed. The main thing is to make up your mind! Good luck!
You will cope, like all of us who have once experienced personal tragedies! We are alive, happy in a new way.
Life DOES NOT END without such husbands, believe me!

Rita, age: 51 / 05/28/2014

Alyonushka,
Your brain refuses to perceive all of THIS, because IT is impossible to perceive.
It’s as if YOU are drinking a cup of poison, sips at a time, knowing for sure that there is poison in there.
And not as a medicine, no, but as a poison.
Your words about a father’s love for his children are clear. It would be strange if, when committing such actions, the father said as an excuse that he did not love them.
And so, my love, what is possible? Love as permission for such behavior?
Beating you up, killing the psyche of children, not preventing them from coming into the house... to put it mildly, women are almost out of the trash heap. This is humiliating. It can’t be like this.

You are driven into a difficult mental state.
And you are there alone. No one can save you from there, except you. Do you already feel like there is no way out?
Alena, what can you really do to start living independently of such a husband? Do you believe that he can realize his behavior and change?
Any way out begins with the realization that you will no longer tolerate what is happening. And at the same time, you are NOT afraid of change.
Your state of self-confidence and the right to defend yourself can be felt even in a conversation with you.
Now you are in a completely driven state:
You took all the blame for the breakup of your family,
You don't have the strength to think differently,
You don't have a safe space to live,
Your children are immersed in this terrible environment of fear, they see their mother being beaten.
All this is on one side of the scale. What is on the other side?
The desire is for the family not to collapse completely. After all, the husband loves children. Such manipulation is very scary. Because it is not visible to the children. They need a family.

Alena, what is family?

We all know: these are different generations under one roof. What are they doing there? They communicate, share experiences, take care of each other. I won’t write in more detail. This topic has no boundaries.
But here’s an example of these three most obvious actions.
1. Communicate. In your family, communication is difficult. From such communication you suffer physically, the children suffer psychologically. And you are not okay psychologically either. If you have been numbing the pain of your soul with pills for many years.
2. Experience. It didn’t come to that.
3. Take care of each other. There is almost nothing to talk about. You know, just one case of an STD is an almost guaranteed lack of trust in your husband. This is death in a “slightly” dose. What kind of amulet can we talk about?

What remains? What are you lamenting about?
Children are afraid, but they can forget it all. Because no child wants to believe that their father is a person who does not respect their mother. It is difficult for them to live with such a belief.
AND YOU?
How do you plan to live?
How much longer are you ready to remain silent and forgive? The daughter will grow up, the son will grow up. They will need help. You need to preserve yourself. And no one except you knows how difficult and scary your life is now.
If this is really the case, then you have the right to make the decision to divorce. And not according to the law, but according to the instinct of self-preservation.
We watch a lot of programs on TV about domestic violence, about blatant betrayal, about the invasion of strangers’ lives into the family. And even through a screen and thousands of kilometers from the studio, it’s scary. And the thought is always born that God forbid, you end up in such a situation. Even if everything is normal in your family, at the level of instinct it is still scary. Because family is protection, respect and strength.

Alyonushka, this is difficult for you. But we all wish you strength.
Let all the sacraments for which you are preparing strengthen you, show you the way out of disrespect in the other direction. Dejection and sadness will go away when the cause of despondency and sadness goes away.
And if they still don’t leave, then this is a reason for you to think again: is the dream of a family worth your life? Maybe this despondency and sadness do not leave you because they protect you?
And they don’t give you the opportunity to just forget what you need to run from.

The Lord will be your best help.

Nina Vishnevskaya, age: 44 / 05/28/2014

A terrible story indeed. I’ve read a lot of things here in three years, plus my own as a thriller, but here..... As a specialist working with teenagers, I can say that in your family and in this situation, children need to be saved. Your delay in getting out of this situation may push them (especially the boy) to something irreparable. Children perceive what happens to them in their own way and are very sensitive. Sometimes they may not show it, and only by deteriorating health can one guess that the child is suffering. Your boy is already sick - come to your senses! And you are just drowning your mind with antidepressants!!! Sorry, but you can't see beyond your nose in this situation. You are focused on your relationship with your husband! You can not do it this way. Enough!

Lyubasha, age: 35 / 05/28/2014

Alena, now you have found the surest way out - you filed for divorce.
Now let's pull ourselves together, antidepressants are antidepressants, but no one will help you except you. You have many tasks now, and the most important thing is children.
We must not forget about material things - we must divide the property, we do not need to play at being noble, no one will appreciate this, we apply for alimony. Your husband must understand that you are determined that you do not intend to tolerate such a mess in life. I chose a girl of easy virtue, now let her live and rejoice, but not in your family nest. Let him go and be happy with madam, let’s see how long he will be able to live and be happy with such an inadequate lady.
You need to contact a good psychologist with your son; the fact that the child is suffering is already understandable, but a stranger, not you, and especially not your husband, should help him figure it out. Your son is now in complete disarray, he loves both of you, it is difficult for him and he needs the help of a specialist so that his son can deal with what is happening now. The son will not be able to trust either you or his father now; he needs an objective and disinterested person, a good specialist.
How do you and your son feel about faith? Maybe you have a good confessor, or a priest whom you completely trust, and who could help the boy?
Alena, hold on, for the sake of yourself, for the sake of your son and daughter, for the sake of your mother, who always supports you. It’s so good that mom is with you; in the next topic, mom didn’t support her daughter, which turned out to be very unfortunate in the end.
Alena, don’t be afraid of anything, the Lord does not send us an unbearable burden, you can handle it, believe me. And there will be joy and happiness, you just need to try to survive, not break, but move forward.
And your spouse, perhaps, will understand everything over time and come with repentance. Or perhaps not. But that’s another story and there’s no need to dwell on his return now. Otherwise, you will remain stuck waiting, and this is fraught with danger for you and your children.
Strength and patience, good luck and love to you!

Accidia, age: 35 / 05/29/2014

Alyona! A lot of advice has been written on this site. A lot of good words . Here. Everyone has gone through this... So you write, maybe I started all this in vain? Will I leave my children without a father? After all, I’ve been living like this for three years. So I once decided and lived like this for almost four years today. Well, you, like everyone else, hoped and believed, read the site, you will find my responses from Olga from 52. Now I’m already writing 53, soon I will write 54. It’s just that I’m already 54 years old. Everything is like everyone else, love, happiness, two daughters... And one day, “young, beautiful, brave” crossed the road. And at this time we lived for more than 30 years... He left five times, returned five times. Well, I’m in an emotional race, he’s my everything :))) I returned it, forgave, although he didn’t ask for forgiveness, and after a week or two, everything started all over again for them. Everything is like your SMS from her, both to me and to the children, she is a “saint”!! And I hope everything will pass, because he will soon be 60, but that was not the case, suddenly I began to understand that he was returning, a stranger in body. The soul and heart are there. At least shed tears intimately, and I did. Yes, and it was disgusting, well, I think it will pass... Nothing has happened yet and will not pass, they are working together. I want a young body, she’s 18 years younger... And how many provocations she did, but she blamed it all on me. And my husband said: You will never correct yourself, what is under this text, between the lines? I want you not to check me, everything is ruined, I want you to be silent, and I will live as I want. There was a lot of things going on, she kicked me out, they made up, they fought, but I hoped, what if. And only now, after the next events with his madam, she told him to go away and don’t come back. Yes, one. It’s a pity I suffered for four years, I live on medications. But if I had stopped everything four years ago, I would have already forgotten... I still wanted to raise the children to their feet... Today they are offended at me, why didn’t I stop everything a long time ago... But the bells always rang throughout life... Only I didn’t believe that such a beauty, smart girl, with an excellent figure, could not be loved, well, it’s an illusion of life. But it turns out it’s still possible... I almost made him God, but he didn’t care, he was looking for “another princess” all his life, and now, when I came to the conclusion that trust cannot be returned, that a person cannot be changed, that when they love, everyone else is a crowd. At least for me. We finally agreed to break up, only not in a good way, but in a terrible way, having disfigured two adult daughters morally... Having ruined everything that was good, and when I was 54 and he was 60. And the main thing is that I realized that all the years I had been dissolving in a person who didn't even love me! Now the question? Do you want to live like I did until I was my age, and then they would leave you anyway? Or do you hope that things will get better next? Or do you think that an unhappy mother makes her children very happy? Yes, my girls can’t see me swallowing medicine by the handful. Yes, they cannot see how I am trying to “save” a family that has been gone for a long time. And if, like I tell you now, four years ago, what would happen all these years ago... I would have run away from him, dropping my slippers!! So you run, it won’t get better, it will get worse. You are still young, you can fall in love, calm down, forget the pain and move on with your life. Life is short, and you shouldn’t waste it on one man, who, by and large, simply doesn’t need you and me, and many here. Otherwise, life would not have turned out this way, by the way, largely through our female fault. You can't live with a traitor!!! Betrayal cannot be forgotten!!! You will always think when you were late, when you put on a new tie, that he went “to the left” and much, much more. Yes, life is not easy, but believe me, it’s better to be alone than with just anyone... Don’t suffer and don’t expect miracles, end everything with him now. Then you will thank God for taking you away from the fornicator. And there are diseases, such as AIDS, that can no longer be cured, and you don’t know when the next crap will happen.. Go away, may the Lord help you!!!

Olga, age: 53 / 05/29/2014

Alyona! My hair just stands on end, you destroyed the family... they beat you, they infect your veins. illnesses, abused mentally and physically, and you destroyed your family. Well, you can’t treat yourself like that, you can’t understand, and you have to think about the children, because they see how their dad mocks their mom and she tolerates it, my God, how is this possible. I kicked mine out as soon as I found out about some attempts in the other direction and did the right thing, people should live in love and harmony or not live together, the children will have a father, just don’t worry about it from a distance. Why did you create hell for yourself and your children? Do you think that he will suddenly change and become the same, no, he won’t. You have already allowed him to wipe his feet on you and you want him to suddenly love you again, so pathetic and humiliated. This will never happen, understand this. And the children feel bad about what’s going on with you and what’s happening to you. Yes, you finally understand that a man is not the center of the universe. Get a divorce and start new life without him, it is advisable not to cross paths, not to see each other at all, to erase him from life forever. This must be done, otherwise you will destroy both yourself and your children! God help you!

Olga, age: 41 / 05/30/2014

Alyonochka! Hello! I want to support you and tell you to hold on, be strong! I wanted to tell you my story, but Olga 53 years old wrote exactly exactly hers. I was just surprised that everything was so similar. I also want to tell you - run away from your husband, run and don’t look back. Nothing good will ever happen, people don’t change. You’re still young, time will pass, you’ll forget this hell and everything will be fine. I also hoped and waited for a miracle, but it turned out that I was ruining my own life. I shortened my own life, the years flew by in anticipation. Now it’s been a year since I kicked out my traitor, I live no better, but no worse. Calmly! I don’t stand at the window at night, waiting for my husband to come back from a party, I don’t flinch at the sound of an SMS, wondering whether it’s her or not, etc., etc. Of course it won’t be easy, but this site helped me a lot. All the women who wrote their advice helped me. Thank you all so much. Here you are, Alyonochka, read all the reviews and don’t worry. We have children and grandchildren, and this is the main thing in life. The husband made his choice and let him live with his princess. Sorry that it’s a little crumpled, but I’m very worried, I want to convey to you my sympathy and understanding. Believe me, everything will pass, but you yourself must understand that you shouldn’t live the way you live now. They are not worth our tears!

Natalya, age: 50 / 05/30/2014

Alena, please, I ask you, pray to God that His will come true, and not yours, I really, really ask you about this!!! You'll see later. Thank you very much!

Alexey, age: 30 / 06/02/2014

Dear Alena! It seems that everything is really lost between you and him. If he is hanging out with a lady of easy virtue, then it is difficult to oppose anything. It's more about sex and how it makes him feel. He cannot help but disdain her, which means that something is inhibiting the feeling of disgust. These good mother's sons, and then immediately good husbands, often regret the unspent years.
And it's not about you, believe me. No matter what you change or do, he knows how thorough, decent, etc. And he wants with a prostitute, even if she doesn’t do anything special in bed. Just the fact itself. Don't be offended by your son. He acted like a man. Someone should look after your unlucky father and defend your interests in this nightmare.
You don’t need to be like her, don’t even dare. These are the whims of a man, and you can’t adapt to all the whims. Take as much as possible from this marriage, at least materially. Otherwise everything will be wasted on madam.

Tatyana, age: 32 / 06/06/2014

Why are you blaming yourself? I don’t see your fault, there are some ladies who break into other people’s families and do whatever they want. They break them.
Yes, children suffer, but children are only happy when their mother is happy.

Inna, age: 33 / 03/02/2017

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